英語(yǔ)鬧出的笑話
發(fā)布時(shí)間:2017-01-21 來(lái)源: 幽默笑話 點(diǎn)擊:
英語(yǔ)鬧出的笑話篇一:含有英語(yǔ)的笑話
談?wù)摽荚?/p>
兩個(gè)學(xué)生談到考試改革。
甲:聽說(shuō)英語(yǔ)成績(jī)不納入考試總分了。 乙:太好了,我天生耳背,吃英語(yǔ)聽力的虧。
甲:我也覺得好,終于不必與英國(guó)人有共同語(yǔ)言了。
乙:我覺得還要改革,物理的內(nèi)容要有幾部分不納入考試。
甲:什么內(nèi)容?
乙:牛頓定律和歐姆定律都是外國(guó)人的東西,我們何必聽他們的那一套。
諸葛亮
如果諸葛亮重生了,我想吼句:“次奧,你上知天文,下知地理。不過(guò)你特么懂英文么?你英文過(guò)四六級(jí)了么、你知道托福么?你知道新概念英語(yǔ)么?”
請(qǐng)求上帝保佑
小明上小學(xué)時(shí),每次考試前信佛教奶奶都請(qǐng)求佛祖保佑小明考好,還別說(shuō)小明每次考試成績(jī)還真不錯(cuò)?墒堑搅顺踔幸院,盡管小明的奶奶也都請(qǐng)求佛祖保佑了,但小明的英語(yǔ)成績(jī)還是不理想。小明的奶奶就問(wèn)信奉基督教的鄰居怎么回事。鄰居說(shuō):“佛祖不懂英語(yǔ),你請(qǐng)求上帝保佑才對(duì)!毙∶鞯哪棠虇(wèn):“為什么呀?”鄰居說(shuō):“上帝是西方的,懂英語(yǔ)呀!
蘋果咋拼寫
那天,英語(yǔ)老師對(duì)我說(shuō)道:“小三子,你說(shuō)下蘋果如何拼寫?”
我想了想,一臉的無(wú)奈,老師不會(huì)考我這么簡(jiǎn)單的問(wèn)題,里面肯定大有深意,我一臉內(nèi)涵的看著老師的眼睛,而老師那犀利的目光和我對(duì)視!
我瞬間知道了答案,我笑著說(shuō)道:“i——p——h——o——n——e iPhone。
結(jié)果老師對(duì)我吼道:“蘋果這么簡(jiǎn)單的單詞都不會(huì),去默寫一千遍吧!”
我?guī)?lái)的這只是英國(guó)的螞蟻么?
那天,我去上山回來(lái),看到山上有很多大螞蟻,我就抓了幾只螞蟻裝進(jìn)了礦泉水的瓶子里面,然后回家對(duì)老媽說(shuō)道:“老媽,老媽,山上螞蟻很多呢,你看看呀!”
老媽是英語(yǔ)老師,一直把我往學(xué)霸培養(yǎng),摸了摸我的頭道:“乖兒子,你知道螞蟻的英文該怎么說(shuō)么?”
我一臉驚奇的說(shuō)道:“螞蟻還有英文名字,媽媽你是說(shuō)我?guī)?lái)的這只是英國(guó)螞蟻么?”
out
一英語(yǔ)老師教育學(xué)生:在這個(gè)經(jīng)濟(jì)科技發(fā)展非常迅速的時(shí)代,如果你們不懂一點(diǎn)英語(yǔ),那你
們就只能out了,于是全班同學(xué)都走出了教室。
單位奇葩
一日,領(lǐng)導(dǎo)又在會(huì)議上強(qiáng)調(diào):凡是需要保存的電腦文件,都要寫好名字保存好!最好用中文,不要寫什么doc、xls什么的,省的有些不認(rèn)識(shí)英語(yǔ)的人認(rèn)不出!
CEO
宿舍里幾個(gè)碗面高手一致同意成立一個(gè)組織,名字就叫中國(guó)吃貨聯(lián)盟,英語(yǔ)名稱Chinese Eater Organization,簡(jiǎn)稱CEO。
上英語(yǔ)課
小明英語(yǔ)很差,上英語(yǔ)聽不懂,無(wú)聊的他看起了課外書籍。 老師發(fā)現(xiàn)他了,對(duì)他說(shuō):不知道上英語(yǔ)課不能做與英語(yǔ)無(wú)關(guān)的事情嗎? 小明:我有學(xué)英語(yǔ)啊。 老師:可你手上拿的是三國(guó)演義。 小明:我在試著用英語(yǔ)翻譯。
李雷and韓梅梅
李雷英語(yǔ)成績(jī)不好,經(jīng)常向韓梅請(qǐng)教,這一來(lái)一往,日久生情,都對(duì)彼此有了好感! 一天,韓梅梅說(shuō):我來(lái)考考你,I like you,應(yīng)該怎么翻譯?
李雷說(shuō):我喜歡你!
韓梅羞澀道:I like you ,too(two)!
李雷說(shuō):我喜歡你“二”!
某二貨參加高考
某二貨參加高考。
英語(yǔ)考試時(shí),要求填寫“復(fù)制”的英文。
二貨華麗麗地寫下了“copy”。
然后又想了想,改成了“ctrl+c”。
提意見
今天去開家長(zhǎng)會(huì)了?講了些什么?
是啊,聽了一節(jié)課,我很有意見,給校長(zhǎng)提意見了。
聽的什么課?你提了什么意見?
別說(shuō)了,聽的英語(yǔ)課,老師一句中文都沒有說(shuō),我是從頭到尾一句也不懂。你想啊,我一個(gè)初中生都聽不懂,孩子是個(gè)小學(xué)生能聽懂嗎?我提議要用中文來(lái)講。
??
英語(yǔ)對(duì)話
某人:我們來(lái)英語(yǔ)對(duì)話吧
某某:OK
某人:Hello!
某某:酷狗
某人:·(暈倒)
英語(yǔ)課趣事
上英文課,英語(yǔ)老師提了一個(gè)問(wèn)題,然后找人回答。
由于一直沒人回答,她說(shuō)了句:“who?”
于是我們班唯一一個(gè)姓胡的男生從座位上跳了起來(lái)。
我們的錯(cuò)
英語(yǔ)課上,老師問(wèn)同學(xué)們問(wèn)題,但是久久沒有人回答,老師十分生氣,說(shuō)了句:“我簡(jiǎn)直就是對(duì)牛彈琴!“同學(xué)們一聽,異口同聲的說(shuō)到:“對(duì),牛彈琴!”
英語(yǔ)笑話(一)
Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?
A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.
猴子會(huì)和跳蚤有什么不同呢?你可能會(huì)直接的想到它們倆是一大一小。但除此之外呢,那就是猴子身上可以長(zhǎng)跳蚤,而跳蚤身上卻不能有猴子。這個(gè)答案很有意思吧?
Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?
A: By treading on his corn?
如果你踩了農(nóng)夫的玉米或是谷物,他肯定會(huì)生氣的;而如果你踩了農(nóng)夫腳底的雞眼,他會(huì)更生氣。Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”,也有“雞眼”的意思。
Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?
A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.
因?yàn)閟nail(蝸牛)的后背上總是背著一所房子,所以說(shuō)蝸牛是世界上最強(qiáng)壯的生物是不足為奇的。你說(shuō)呢?
Q: What do people do in a clock factory?
A: They make faces all day.
一看到make faces這個(gè)短語(yǔ),你可千萬(wàn)別以為是在鐘表廠工作的人整天都做鬼臉呀!因?yàn)槌诉@個(gè)意思以外,它還可以從字面上解釋為制造鐘面。
Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?
A: Keep him awake.
怎樣才能不讓夢(mèng)游者(sleepwalker)夢(mèng)游(walk in his sleep)呢?最簡(jiǎn)單的方法就是不讓他睡覺。雖然這不是治療方法,但如果讓夢(mèng)游者醒著呢,他的確就不會(huì)去夢(mèng)游了。
英語(yǔ)笑話(二)
He is really somebody
-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody. What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一個(gè)大人物
-- 我叔叔下面有1000個(gè)人。
-- 他真是一個(gè)大人物。干什么的?
-- 墓地守墓人。
英語(yǔ)笑話(三)
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
它們是從美國(guó)直接帶來(lái)的
一位中國(guó)老婦人在美國(guó)看望女兒回來(lái)不久,到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元。在銀行柜臺(tái),銀行職員認(rèn)真檢查了每一張鈔票,看是否有假。
這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩,最后實(shí)在忍耐不住說(shuō):“相信我,先生,也請(qǐng)你相信這些鈔票。這都是真正的美元,它們是從美國(guó)直接帶來(lái)的!
英語(yǔ)笑話(四)my little dog can't read
Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
我的狗不識(shí)字
布朗夫人:哦,
親愛的,我把珍愛的小狗給丟了!
史密斯夫人:可是你該在報(bào)紙上登廣告!
英語(yǔ)鬧出的笑話篇二:英文不好鬧的笑話
1. 有次房東問(wèn)我 did u eat anyting yet? 我說(shuō)no.她聽后重復(fù)了一遍 so u didn’t eat anyting. 我說(shuō) yes…房東老太太猶豫了下又問(wèn)did u eat? 我說(shuō) no. 她接著說(shuō) so u didn’t eat.我說(shuō) yes ……估計(jì)她當(dāng)時(shí)要崩潰了
2. 剛上班不久,有個(gè)公司的A/R打電話來(lái)催支票,我循例問(wèn)了一下他是哪間公司打來(lái)的,那男的很有禮貌的說(shuō):“This is xxx calling from Beach Brother.” 聽懂了很開心,不過(guò)由于對(duì)公司名字還不熟,心想先用筆記下來(lái)公司名,省得等下忘記了,正得意忘形之間,順嘴開始拼寫人家公司的名字,還說(shuō)得一本正經(jīng):”b.i.t.c.h……bitch, correc
t?”。。。。。那男的終于還是沒能忍住怒火,近似于怒吼似的對(duì)我喊道:”NO!!! B.E.A.C.H…..BEACH!!!!!!”
接下來(lái)的一年里,沒再跟這間公司有過(guò)任何生意往來(lái)……汗
3. 讀語(yǔ)言學(xué)校的時(shí)候,一哥們很愛講,和ESL老師聊天練習(xí)英語(yǔ),口沫橫飛了半天,那老師很生氣的說(shuō) dont speak chinese to me.
4. 我男朋友以前在溫哥華乘skytrain的時(shí)候,一個(gè)白人女人說(shuō):I am sorry. 他直接說(shuō): you are welcome. 對(duì)方都呆了。
5. 我一個(gè)朋友,想在家做飯,家里沒有油,就去超市買了一瓶回來(lái),開火,放油,然后鍋里開始出現(xiàn)大量泡沫,接著燒了起來(lái)。。。回頭一問(wèn)房東,他買的是洗潔精。。。
6. 第一次跟老外去打painball,玩的是搶旗的那種。由于第一次玩,一直跟著個(gè)看起來(lái)很專業(yè)的隊(duì)友跑,一路上躲著子彈跑到對(duì)方的base. 我們?nèi)硕紥炝,?duì)方就剩一個(gè)人在看老家。就聽那老外跟我說(shuō)了一大堆術(shù)語(yǔ),我也沒聽懂。他看我沒聽懂就跟我說(shuō):it’s easy just cover me when i go out. 說(shuō)完了就喊了一聲 cover me! 然后跑了出去,我也不懂他是讓我掩護(hù)他,沒等我想清楚他就跑了。我就順手從一個(gè)箱子上扯下來(lái)一塊帆布,丟他頭上,把他蓋住了。結(jié)果他就光榮犧牲了。當(dāng)時(shí)大部分人都掛了,在旁邊觀戰(zhàn)。所有人都笑趴了。
7. 講一個(gè)我老公的笑話:去年過(guò)情人節(jié),我讓他買點(diǎn)牛排回來(lái)。出門前怕他忘記了,就給寫了一張紙條。吃飯的時(shí)候他
說(shuō)他去LOBLAW買牛排的時(shí)候,給店員說(shuō)來(lái)兩塊T-BACK牛排,店員愣住,他以為店員沒有聽清楚,又重復(fù)了一遍,T-BACK STEAK PLEASE!店員這次聽到了,頓時(shí)石化!我老公見店員愣在那里,連忙把我寫的紙條遞過(guò)去,那小伙子一看,上書:T-BONE STEAK!這回輪到我老公石化,尷尬不已了!
8. 剛來(lái)的時(shí)候有一次跟一個(gè)兄弟去吃飯,那大哥吃飽以后指著滿桌剩下的碟子一邊畫圈一邊問(wèn)服務(wù)生how much, all this, how much?服務(wù)生五官扭曲的看著他。。。。。我最后實(shí)在忍不住了,告服務(wù)生說(shuō)他想買單,結(jié)果服務(wù)生走以后他還不爽,說(shuō)人服務(wù)生就快明白了我打什么岔。。。
9. 我剛來(lái)的時(shí)候鄰居小孩看見我跟我說(shuō)what’s up. 我疑惑的朝天上看了半天然后說(shuō)了句up?那孩子頓時(shí)無(wú)語(yǔ)。
10. 剛來(lái)的時(shí)候看到很多大廈門口都有smoke free….. 我由衷的感嘆..加拿大就是好,抽煙都免費(fèi)…朋友那個(gè)汗……
11. 還有一次是去MC, 問(wèn)朋友圣代的英文怎么說(shuō), 他就說(shuō)是音譯sundae, 我茅塞頓開, 恍然大悟,十分自信的說(shuō)了一句….那奶昔是不是叫nancy? 朋友當(dāng)場(chǎng)噴可樂………
12. 第一次打電話叫TAXI……
對(duì)方問(wèn)where you from…..我回答CHINA,還在奇怪叫taxi還分國(guó)籍~?對(duì)方可能以為我在搞笑,很郁悶的說(shuō) sorry, we can not do that…..我一聽…火大…怎么有種族歧視啊..就問(wèn): why~?對(duì)方楞了半天,掛了…..
13. 我朋友的事, 有一回,她去買pizza,人家問(wèn)她選配料。 她想要mushroom,結(jié)果她說(shuō)MashMaro(流氓兔),人家瘋了~~
14. 寫信 From / To寫反了,郵了兩天回到自己家………………
15. 有一天看見我住的HOUSE門前插了個(gè)人照片拍子,以為房東要賣房,照片上的人是房產(chǎn)經(jīng)紀(jì)。
第二天日,突然發(fā)現(xiàn),周圍一片都被插上同樣的牌子,心想這個(gè)經(jīng)紀(jì)厲害。出去轉(zhuǎn)了一天感覺不對(duì),所到之處都是他在賣房,太N了,還沒見過(guò)一夜之間全城的房子都給一個(gè)經(jīng)紀(jì)壟斷了….研究一下才知道,選舉廣告….汗
16. 我朋友剛來(lái)的時(shí)候不認(rèn)識(shí)什么人, 所以在班上試圖交朋友, 一日, 覺得一白人哥們?nèi)送?
于是想要人家電話號(hào)碼,日后做朋友, 于是問(wèn):HOW MANY IS YOU PHONE NUMBER?
白人說(shuō):TEN. (加拿大號(hào)碼是十位的)
17. 剛來(lái)去ESL,跟老師請(qǐng)假后去JOB FAIR.回來(lái)老師在班上問(wèn)如何?
我想說(shuō)太多老外. 答了: TOO MANY FORIENGERS! 老師說(shuō): YOU ARE THE FORIENGER IN CANADA.
18. 有次買車票,工作人員問(wèn)我one way? 我回答:No,two way….他又問(wèn)了我?guī)妆槲业拇鸢高是一樣的。。。結(jié)果那人很郁悶的看著我~~~后來(lái)才反應(yīng)過(guò)來(lái)自己還在中文的思維
英語(yǔ)鬧出的笑話篇三:最經(jīng)典英文笑話
英文笑話
一眼就看中
The girl found the go-between and said, "You cheated me ! One of his eyes is not true. Why didn't you tell me this before ?"
"I have told you. " said the go-between with justice on his side, When you met first, I told you that he settled on you with one eye.
Notes:
(1) go-between n.媒人
(2) settle on選定;決定
Exercises: 根據(jù)短文判斷下列句子正(T)、(F):
① The girl was angry with the go-between for having cheated her.
② The girl married the one-eyed man.
③ The go-between hadn't told the girl the fact.
④ The go-between thought that justice was on his side.
⑤ The girl hadn't fully understood the go-between's words.
112.一眼就看中
姑娘找到媒人,說(shuō):“你欺騙了我。他的一只眼是假眼,你以前為什么不告訴我?”“怎么沒告訴你?”媒人也不甘示弱,“你們第一回見面后,我就說(shuō),他一眼就看中你了!
借公牛一用
Once upon a time, there lived a rich man, but he didn't know any words.
One day, one of his friends wanted to borrow an ox from him, so he wrote a note and asked his servant to take it to this rich man.
After the servant gave the note to the rich man, he pretended to be reading it and after a while, he said, "OK, I know. Go and tell your master, I'll go myself shortly. Notes:
(1) he pretended to be reading it他假裝讀著字條。
(2) pretend to do佯裝做
Exercises:根據(jù)短文回答下列問(wèn)題:
① When did the story take place?
② What problem did the rich man have?
③ What did his friend want to borrow from him?
④ Who took the note to the rich man?
⑤ The rich man made a fool of himself, didn't he?
111.借公牛一用
從前,有個(gè)人很富有,但他不識(shí)字。 一天,他的一位朋友想向他借一頭公牛,便寫了個(gè)條,讓仆人送到富人那里。
仆人把條子給了富人。富人便假裝看了一會(huì)兒,然后說(shuō)道:“好啦,我知道了。回去告訴你的主人,我馬上自己過(guò)去!
練習(xí)參考答案:
① A long time ago.
② He didn't know and words.
③ An ox.
④ The servant.
⑤ Yes, he did.
You may select可以選擇
The husband complained that his wife always cooked the same dish.
One day, the husband got home and asked his wife, "My dear, what will we eat today?" The wife said, "You may select the dish today."
The husband was very glad and asked, "Which dishes are there today?"
"Cabbage."
"The others?"
"None."
"Then how to select?"
"Eat or not eat!" the wife said.
Notes:
(1) complain v.抱怨
(2) cabbage n.白菜
Exercises:
根據(jù)短文選擇正確答案:
① What did the husband complain about?
A. His wife sometimes cooked the same dish.
B. His wife seldom cooked the same dish.
C. His wife always cooked the same dish.
D. His wife didn't cook any dish.
② What question did the husband ask one day?
A. He asked what they would cat.
B. He asked if there was anything to eat.
C. He asked if there was any meat.
D. He asked if there was any cabbage.
③ The wife told him that_____ .
A. there was no meat
B. there was a lot of cabbage
C. he could select the dish
D. he could cook some other dishes
④ The husband was at first_____ .
A. very disappointed
B. very angry
C. very sad
D. very glad
⑤ We can be sure that_____ .
A. the family had nothing to eat on that day
B. the family had only one dish on that day
C. the family had several dishes an that day
D
. the family went out to a restaurant on that day119.可以選擇
丈夫抱怨妻子總是做同樣的一種菜。
一天,丈夫回到家,問(wèn)妻子:“親愛的,今天我們吃啥菜?”
妻子回答:“今天你可以選擇!
丈夫感到非常高興,又問(wèn):“都有哪些菜呢?”
“炒白菜。”
“還有呢?”
“沒了!
“那你要我怎么選呢?”
“吃還是不吃!”妻子一本正經(jīng)地說(shuō)道。
練習(xí)參考答案:
①C②A③C④D⑤B
What color 什么顏色
An impoverished graduate student at Clemson University in South Carolina, I was excited when my father informed me that he had bought me a car. Hardly able to contain my enthusiasm, I asked Dad the typical questions: "What kind is it? Does it have a stick shift? Does it have a tape deck?" "It's a 1982 Toyota," he replied. "It's a four speed, and, yes, it has a tape deck . " Pleased, I asked what color it was.
"Well, " he said uncomfortably, " which part?"
Notes:
(1) impoverished adj.窮困的
(2) South Carolina 南卡羅萊那(美國(guó)州名)
(3) inform v.告知
(4) contain v.控制(情緒等)
(5) enthusiasm n.熱情
(6) typical adj.典型的
(7) stick shift 手排擋
(8) tape deck 磁帶艙
Exercises:
根據(jù)短文判斷下列句子正(T)、(F):
① The graduate student couldn't afford a car himself.
② When his father told him that a car had been bought for him he was excited.
③ He controlled his excitement and didn't ask any questions.
④ He wanted a car with a stick shift.
⑤ He got a second-hand colored car.
什么顏色
作為南卡羅萊那州克萊姆森大學(xué)的一個(gè)本科生,我囊中羞澀,當(dāng)我父親告訴我他為我買了輛車時(shí),我甚是激動(dòng)。我?guī)缀蹩刂撇蛔∥业臒崆,?wèn)了爸爸幾個(gè)關(guān)鍵問(wèn)題:“什么車?有沒有手排擋?有沒有磁帶艙?”
“是1982年產(chǎn)豐田車,”他回答說(shuō),“四速,還有,是的,有磁帶艙!蔽疑跏歉吲d,又問(wèn)是什么顏色的。
“哦,”他很不舒服地說(shuō),“你指哪一部分?”
練習(xí)參考答案:
①T②T③F④T⑤T
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