英語笑話經(jīng)典
發(fā)布時間:2017-01-19 來源: 幽默笑話 點擊： 
英語笑話經(jīng)典篇一：10個經(jīng)典英語笑話(帶中文對照)
10個經(jīng)典英語笑話(帶中文對照).txt如果青春的時光在閑散中度過，那么回憶歲月將是一場凄涼的悲劇。雜草多的地方莊稼少，空話多的地方智慧少。即使路上沒有花朵，我仍可以欣賞荒蕪。Jack feell off his bicycle and got hurt. A beautiful young nurse asked him to fill forms. Jack finished them and gave them back."Anything else?" The nurse asked. "Yes,"Jack thinks for a while and said,"I'm a bachelor."杰克騎車摔傷,得住院治療.一位年輕美貌的護士拿著表格讓填.仞杰克填好遞上表格"還有什么漏填的?"護士問. "有!"杰克想了想說,"我是個單身漢."Wife:You see.According to te statistics on thepaper,80% of those who have died of liver cancer have drunk alcohol.Husband:It's okey. To my investigation,all Thespeopleeat meals.妻子:你看這張報紙,據(jù)統(tǒng)計,死于肝癌的人80%都是喝酒的.丈夫:那有什么?據(jù)我調查,死予肝癌的人100%都吃飯的."Excuse me,but the seat you've taken is mine.""Yours?Can you prove it?""Yes,I put a cup of ice cream on it.""請原諒,你占了我的位置.""你的位置?你能征明這點嗎?""能,我在位置上放了杯冰激凌."One day,Eve asked Adam,"Doyou really love me?"Adam said helplessly,"Do I have any other choice?"一天,夏娃問亞當:"你當真愛我嗎?"亞當無可奈何地回答:"我還有的選擇嗎?"Always Thirsty"I had an operation," said a man to his friend, "and the doctor left a sponge in me.""That"s terrible!" said the friend. "Got any pain?""No, but I am always thirsty!"總感到口渴一個男人對他的朋友說：“我動了一次手術，手術后醫(yī)生把一塊海綿忘在我的身體里了�！薄罢媸翘愀饬耍 迸笥颜f道：“你覺得疼嗎？”“不疼，可是我總感到口渴。”A Useful WayFather: Jack, why do you drink so much water?Jack: I have just had an apple, Dad.Father: What"s that got to do with it?Jack: I forgot to wash the apple.一個有效的方法爸爸：杰克，你干嘛喝這么多水呀？杰克：我剛才吃了個蘋果，爸爸。爸爸：可是這跟喝水有什么關系呢？杰克：我忘了洗蘋果呀。A PresentKate: Mom, do you know what I"m going to give you for your birthday?Mom: No, Honey, what?Kate: A nice teapot.Mom: But I"ve got a nice teapot.Kate: No, you haven"t. I"ve just dropped it.凱特的禮物凱特：媽媽，你知道我要給你一件什么生日禮物嗎？媽媽：不知道，寶貝，是什么呀？凱特：一把漂亮的茶壺。媽媽：可是我已經(jīng)有一把漂亮的茶壺了呀。凱特：不，你沒有了。我剛剛把它給摔了。The Doctor Knows BetterA man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital.His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill.""I am afraid that he is dead." said the doctor.Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I"m not dead. I"m still alive.""Be quiet, " said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"醫(yī)生懂得多一個男人在街上被出租車撞倒送進了醫(yī)院。他的妻子站在他的床前對醫(yī)生說：“我想他傷得很厲害�！贬t(yī)生說：“恐怕他已經(jīng)死了�！甭牭结t(yī)生的話，這個男人轉動著頭說：“我沒死，我還活著�！逼拮诱f：“安靜，醫(yī)生比你懂得多�！盬aste or Save?Father: Oh, Jack, you have slept away the whole morning. Don"t you know you are wasting time?Jack: Yes, Dad. But I"ve saved you a meal, haven" I?浪費還是節(jié)約父親：噢，杰克，你又睡了一上午。難道你不知道你這是在浪費時間嗎？杰克：我知道，爸爸。可我還給您節(jié)省了一頓飯呢，是不是？Why Is He HowlingDentist: Please stop howling. I haven"t even touched your tooth yet.Patient: I know, but you are standing on my foot!他為什么喊牙醫(yī)：請你不要再喊了！我還沒碰你的牙呢。病人：我知道，可是你正踩著我的腳呀！
英語笑話經(jīng)典篇二：經(jīng)典英語小笑話
經(jīng)典英語小笑話 英語笑話（一）
英語老師問一個學生，“How are you是什么意思” 學生想how是怎么，you 是你，于是回答“怎么是你？” 老師生氣又問另一個同學：“How old are you ?是什么意思？”
這個同學想了想說：“怎么老是你。
英語笑話（二）
老師在黑板上寫了一句：Time is money.并讓同學們翻譯。有名學生答道：“湯姆是瑪麗。”
英語笑話（三）
小明上英文課時跟老師說：May I go to the toilet? 老師說：Go ahead.
小明就坐了下來。過了一會兒，小明又跟老師說：May I go to the toilet?
老師說：Go ahead.
小明又坐了下來。他旁邊的同學于是忍不住問：你不是跟老師說要上廁所嗎？怎么不去？
小明說：你沒聽老師說「去你個頭」�。�
英語笑話（四）
某日劉洪濤遇到外賓，上前搭話曰：I am hongtao liu，外賓
曰：我TM還是方片七呢！
英語笑話（五）
江青會見外賓，要求翻譯要嚴格按她的意思翻，不許走樣。外賓一見到江青，立刻拍馬屁道："Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful." 翻譯照翻，江青心花怒 放，嘴上還要謙虛一下：“哪里，哪里”。
翻譯不敢怠慢，把江青的話翻成英文："Where? Where?" 外賓一愣，還有這樣的人，追問哪里漂亮的，干脆馬屁拍到底："Everywhere, everywhere."
翻譯：“你到處都很漂亮�！苯喔吲d了，但總是要客氣一下：“不見得，不見得”。翻譯趕緊翻成英文：
"You are not allowed to see, you are not allowed to see." 英語笑話（六）
話說某年某月的某一天，叁個神箭手約在一起比箭，目標是十尺外仆人頭上的蘋果。A神箭手挽弓長射，咻一聲，利箭正中蘋果。A高傲的昂起下巴，比出一根大 拇指道：「I am后羿！」
B神箭手照本宣科，射中蘋果，這回他自大的喊了一句：「I am丘比特！」
輪到C了，他也挽弓，利箭射出！ 結果正中仆人的心臟。就聽他結結巴巴好久才吐出一句：「I...I...I...am...sorry...」
英語笑話（七）
某人刻苦學習英語，終有小成。一日上街不慎與一老外相撞， 忙說：I am sorry.
老外應道：I am sorry too.
某人聽后又道：I am sorry three.
老外不解，問：What are you sorry for?
某人無奈，道：I am sorry five.
一個中國人（當然是外語不大好的啦）踩了一個老外的腳，為了顯示咱國家是有名的禮儀之邦，就先SORRY啦，老外更是禮貌有加，就來個sorry too.
two?the chinese puzzled.恩，咱中國人還不是得禮尚往來？！~那就I am sorry three~
這下老外蒙了，一句what are you sorry for?
暈，還有完沒完啊，還FOUR？！~哼，偶跟你卯上了，I am sorry five~(who怕 who？！~）
英語笑話（八）
一位來自日本的旅客，坐出租車去機場的路上，看到一輛汽車經(jīng)過，就說：“oh，TOyOTA！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”又有一輛經(jīng)過，他又說： “oh，NISSAN！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”司機有點不高興，覺得他太吵了！當?shù)谌v經(jīng)過時，他還是說：“oh，HONDA！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”
后來到了機場，那個日本人就問：“How Much？”出租車司機說：“1000！”
日本人驚奇的問司機：“為什么那么貴？”出租車司機回答說：“oh，mileometer（計 程表）！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”
英語笑話（九）
一位在美的留學生,想要考國際駕照.在考試時因為過于緊張,看到地上標線是向左轉.
他不放心的問道:turn left?
監(jiān)考官回答:right.
于是他立刻向右轉.
很抱歉他只有下次再來.
英語笑話（十）
一位中國學生在美國加州目睹了一起交通事故,由于好奇一直沒有離開.
警察來了以后問他知不知道事情的經(jīng)過,
he said:"one car come, one car go, two car peng peng, one car die.
英語笑話（十一）
小強去看電影，到了電影售票處，發(fā)現(xiàn)一個老外和售票小姐連說帶比得好半天，就自告奮勇的上前做翻譯，售票小姐說：麻煩你告訴她，現(xiàn)在坐票售完了只剩下站票，如果要
看要站著看。
小強轉頭就對老外說：no sit see, stand see. if see stand see.
老外回答
上高中的時候，英語老師英文水平頗高，無奈漢語不佳。某日上課，老師講解"獨立結構"，舉一經(jīng)典例句："Our teacher comes into the classroom, book under arm." 然后翻譯成中文："老師進了教室，胯下夾 著一本書。"頓時課堂上狂笑不已。
英語笑話（十三）
上初中時，英文老師講到英文字詞的詞根：Landlord地主，是由land土地，lord主人，兩部分組成的－－"土地"＋"主人"就是"地主".接著，老師又向大家提問：motherland是什么意思？"地主婆！"大家異口同聲回答。
英語笑話（十一）
70年代學校里學英文，第一課是：Long Live Chairman Mao. 我等愚笨之輩第一次接觸英文，背誦不 出，于是在英文下面加 注，曰：狼來了牽著貓。
英語笑話（十一）
某男約某女晚上看電影，約定會面地點后，該男道：I no
英語笑話經(jīng)典篇三：經(jīng)典一句話英語笑話
1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
5、If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...
6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
9、Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
29、Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"
32、Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
41、Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
46、I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
49、Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
51、Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
52、I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.
53、The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
54、It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.
55、Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
56、Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
57、There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
58、A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.
59、Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
60、My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
61、My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
62、A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
63、Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
64、When in doubt, mumble.
65、I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
66、Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
67、If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!
68、A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
69、Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
70、Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
71、Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
72、Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
73、Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone.
74、Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
75、With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
76、I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.
77、Hallmark Card: "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're still here."
78、You're never too old to learn something stupid.
79、A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
80、I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."
81、Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
82、I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
83、We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.
84、Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
85、Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
86、Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
87、I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
88、I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.
89、If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.
90、To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
91、You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.
92、Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
93、Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
94、If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.
95、A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
96、Whoever coined the phrase "Quiet as a mouse" has never stepped on one.
97、You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
98、The difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer is in the taste.
99、When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses
water.
100、Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
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