小學(xué)生英語(yǔ)幽默小故事篇一：英語(yǔ)幽默小故事6篇

1、Good use of cry 哭的妙用

The parents with their three-year-old son went to see film.

When they walked into the cinema, the attendant said to them,

“you’ll have to go out if your son cries. But we’ll refund

you the tickets.” About half an hour later, the husband

asked his wife, “What do you think of the film?”

“I’ve never seen such a boring film.” His wife answered.

“It’s not worth seeing.”

“I don’t think much of it, either.” The husband said.

“Wake the child up and let him cry.”

一對(duì)夫婦帶著他們3歲的兒子去看電影。進(jìn)電影院時(shí)，服務(wù)員對(duì)他們說(shuō)：“如果你們的兒子哭了，你們就得出去。不過(guò)我們會(huì)給你們退票的�！贝蠹s半個(gè)小時(shí)以后，丈夫?qū)ζ拮诱f(shuō)：“你覺(jué)得這電影怎么樣？”“我從沒(méi)看過(guò)這么沒(méi)勁的電影�！逼拮踊卮鹫f(shuō)，“真不值得看。”“我也不喜歡看。”丈夫說(shuō)：“叫醒孩子，讓他哭�！�

2、What a Smart Wife家有笨妻

A newly married woman was sitting on a chair,

looking vexed, when her husband came home.

"What's up? Why do you look so troubled?"

the husband asked. The woman replied,

"I'm so sorry. I was ironing your new suit and

burned a hole in your trousers." And the man said,

"That's all right. I have another pair that is exactly the same."

"Thank God you do. I used it to mend this pair,"

the wife responded.

有一個(gè)剛結(jié)婚的太太，坐在椅子那邊，看起來(lái)很懊惱，她先生回家看到她這個(gè)樣子，就問(wèn)：‘嗨，你怎么啦？為什么看起來(lái)這么懊惱呢？’太太說(shuō)：‘很抱歉，你那件新做的西裝褲被我燙壞了，燙成一個(gè)洞了�！�他先生說(shuō)：‘��！那個(gè)沒(méi)關(guān)系啦！我還有另外一件一樣的褲子�！� 她說(shuō)：‘是啊，還好我把那件新的拿出來(lái)補(bǔ)那件被我燙壞的�！�

3、Endearing terms

英語(yǔ)幽默故事:可愛(ài)的稱(chēng)呼

Bernie was invited to his friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc. Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, "That is really nice, that after all these years that you have been married, and you keep calling your wife those pet names." Morris hung his head and whispered," To tell the truth, I forgot her name three years ago."

Bernie應(yīng)邀來(lái)到他的朋友Morris家吃晚餐。在朋友家，Bernie發(fā)現(xiàn)，不管問(wèn)他老婆什么問(wèn)題，Morris總要在每句話(huà)的前面加上一些親密的稱(chēng)呼，象蜜糖，我的愛(ài)人，親愛(ài)的，甜心等等。Bernie對(duì)Morris說(shuō)，“你們夫妻倆真夠親密的，結(jié)婚這么多年了，你還叫她叫得那么親密�！盡orris低下頭，小聲地對(duì)Bernie說(shuō)，“老實(shí)跟你說(shuō)吧，三年前我忘記老婆的真名是什么了�！�

4、Are you a normal person？你是正常人嗎？

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director ..., "What is the criterion that defines a patient to be institutionalized?" "Well..." said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, and we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask him to empty the bathtub." "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon or the teacup." "Noooooooo!" answered the director. "A normal person would pull the plug."

參觀(guān)一所精神病院的時(shí)候一個(gè)參觀(guān)者問(wèn)院長(zhǎng)，“你們是用什么標(biāo)準(zhǔn)來(lái)決定一個(gè)人是否應(yīng)該被關(guān)進(jìn)精神病院呢？” “呃? ?”院長(zhǎng)說(shuō)，“是這樣，我們先給一個(gè)浴缸放滿(mǎn)水，然后我們給病人一個(gè)調(diào)茶匙，一個(gè)茶杯和一個(gè)水桶去把浴缸里面的水放清�！� “噢，我明白了”， 參

觀(guān)者說(shuō)。“一個(gè)正常人會(huì)選擇水桶， 因?yàn)樗�桶比茶匙，茶杯的體積大�！� “錯(cuò)了”，“院長(zhǎng)回答”“正常人會(huì)把浴缸塞子拔掉”。

5、英文幽默老虎來(lái)了

Two guys were walking through the jungle. All of a sudden, a tiger appears from a distance, running towards them.

One of the guys takes out a pair of "Nikes" from his bag and starts to put them on. The other guy with a surprised look and exclaims, "Do you think you will run faster than the tiger with those?"

His friend replies: "I don't have to out run it, I just have to run faster than you."

兩個(gè)男人正在穿過(guò)叢林，突然，一只老虎出現(xiàn)在遠(yuǎn)處，向他們沖來(lái)。

其中的一個(gè)人從包里拿出一雙“耐克”鞋，開(kāi)始穿上。另一個(gè)人驚奇地看著他說(shuō)，“你以為穿上這個(gè)就可以跑得過(guò)老虎嗎？”

他的朋友回答道：“我不用跑得過(guò)它，我只要跑得比你快就行了�！�

6、Another 40 Years to live

再活40年

A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked if this was it. God said, "No you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live." Upon recovery the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, lip-suction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even had someone come in and change her hair color, figuring since she had so much more time to live, she might as well make the most of it. She got out of the hospital after the last operation and while crossing the street was killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 Years? "God replied, "I didn't recognize you."

一名中年婦女心臟病突發(fā)被送到了醫(yī)院， 在手術(shù)臺(tái)上，瀕臨死亡之際，她看到了上帝， 于是，她問(wèn)上帝是不是她的日子到頭了。 上帝回答說(shuō)，“還沒(méi)有，你還能活43年，2個(gè)月零8天�！� 身體快要康復(fù)的時(shí)候，這名女士想到自己還要活那么多年，得好好對(duì)待自己，于是決定先不出院，而是去給自己整整容，吸吸脂，隆隆胸，然后還做了一個(gè)腹部拉皮和其它一些美容美體手術(shù)。 她甚至還請(qǐng)人到醫(yī)院里面幫她頭發(fā)給染了。 做完最后一個(gè)手術(shù)，這位女士出院了， 但就在過(guò)馬路的時(shí)候，她被一輛風(fēng)馳電摯趕回醫(yī)院的救護(hù)車(chē)給撞死了。 再一次，她又站到了上帝的面前，她大惑不解地問(wèn)上帝，“我記得你說(shuō)我還能再活40年？” 上帝回答，“那個(gè)時(shí)候我沒(méi)認(rèn)出你來(lái)”。

小學(xué)生英語(yǔ)幽默小故事篇二：小學(xué)生英語(yǔ)幽默故事(超全版_中英雙語(yǔ))

小學(xué)生英語(yǔ)故事

英文幽默故事：

There was a guy who went into a shop to buy a parrot. There werethree parrots in the shop. One was $5,000; another one, $10,000; and the third one, $30,000. The customer asked the owner, “How come this guy is $5,000? That?s so expensive for this kindof parrot.” The owner said, “Because I have trained him and he can talk.” So the customer asked him, “How about this guy? What can he do that makes him so expensive?” The owner said, “Well, apart from talking, he can also do some amusing actions,like dancing and so on. That?s why he?s so expensive.” Then the customer said, “How about the third one? What canhe do that makes him so expensive?” The owner of the shopsaid, “I don?t know. Normally, I have never heard him talk, nor dance, nor whistle, nor sing, nothing at all! But the other two call him ?The Boss.?”

有個(gè)人到一間商店買(mǎi)鸚鵡。店里有三只鸚鵡，其中一只賣(mài)五千元，另一只賣(mài)一萬(wàn)元，還有一只賣(mài)三萬(wàn)元。顧客問(wèn)老板：「為什么這只要賣(mài)五千元？這個(gè)價(jià)錢(qián)對(duì)這種鸚鵡來(lái)說(shuō)太貴了！」老板說(shuō)：「因?yàn)槲矣杏?xùn)練他講話(huà)�！诡櫩陀謫�(wèn)：「那這只呢？他會(huì)做什么？為什么要賣(mài)這么貴？」老板說(shuō)：「他除了會(huì)說(shuō)話(huà)之外，還會(huì)表演一些有趣的動(dòng)作，好比說(shuō)跳舞等等，所以才賣(mài)這么貴�！诡櫩徒又�又問(wèn)：「那第三只呢？他會(huì)做什么？為什么要賣(mài)這么貴？」老板說(shuō)：「我不知道。我從沒(méi)聽(tīng)過(guò)他講話(huà)、吹口哨或唱歌，也沒(méi)看過(guò)他跳舞，什么都沒(méi)有！不過(guò)另外兩只叫他：『老板！』」

Ten Candies

Mother asks her son, “Jim, if you have ten candies, and you eat four, then how many candles do you have?”

“Ten.” Jim says.

“Then,” Mother asks.

“Yes, Mum. Four candles are in my stomach and six candies are out of my stomach. Four and six is ten, isn?t it right?”

十塊糖

媽媽問(wèn)兒子：“吉姆， 如果你有10塊糖，吃了4塊，那你還有幾塊糖？” “10塊�！奔�姆說(shuō)。 “10塊？”媽媽問(wèn)。

“是的，媽媽。因?yàn)?塊在我的肚子里面，6塊在肚子外面，4加6等于10，不對(duì)嗎？”

Where is the egg?

Teacher:Can you make a sentence with the word "egg"?

Student:Yes.I ate a piece of cake yesterday.

Teacher:Then where is the “egg"?

Student:In the cake,Sir.

雞蛋在哪里？

老師：你能用“雞蛋”一詞造句嗎？學(xué)生：可以。我昨天吃了一塊蛋糕。 老師：“雞蛋”在哪？學(xué)生：在蛋糕里，先生

Tom is a little boy, and he is only seven years old. Once he goes to a cinema. It is the first time for him to do that. He buys a ticket and goes in. But after two or three minutes he comes out, and buys the second ticket and goes in again. After a few minutes he comes out again and buys the third ticket. Two or three minutes after that he comes out and asks for another ticket. But a girl asks him, “Why do you buy so many tickets? How many friends do you meet?” “No, I have no friends here, but a big woman always stops me at the door and cuts up my ticket.”

湯姆是個(gè)小孩， 他才7歲。 當(dāng)他去電影院的時(shí)候。那時(shí)他第一次去。他買(mǎi)了張票進(jìn)去了。 但沒(méi)過(guò)兩三分鐘他就出來(lái)了，然后買(mǎi)了第二張票又進(jìn)去了。 幾分鐘后他又出來(lái)買(mǎi)了第三張票。 接著兩三分鐘后他又出來(lái)買(mǎi)票。 一個(gè)女的問(wèn)她，“你為什么要買(mǎi)那么多票啊? 你見(jiàn)到了幾個(gè)朋友？" "沒(méi)有， 我里面沒(méi)朋友， 但是每當(dāng)我進(jìn)門(mén)的時(shí)候一位大的女人老把我的票給剪了"

Child:My uncle has 1000 men under him.

Man:He is really somebody.What does do?

Child:A maintenance man in a cemetery

他真是一個(gè)大人物

小孩：我叔叔下面有1000個(gè)人。

男人：他真是一個(gè)大人物。他是干什么的？

小孩：墓地守墓人。

Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a great man if he were still alive today?

Student: Of course. He must be a great man, for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.

一名偉人

老師：如果莎士比亞還活著，他會(huì)是一名偉人嗎？

學(xué)生：當(dāng)然。因?yàn)榈侥壳盀橹�，還沒(méi)有人活到400多歲。

Mr. Smith: Waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup.

Waiter: Yes, sir, I know---it's the heat that kills it.

史密斯先生：服務(wù)員，我的湯里有一只死蒼蠅．

服務(wù)員：是的，先生，我知道了，它是被燙死的．

Son: Dad, give me a dime.

Father: Son, don't you think you're getting too big to be forever begging for dimes? Son: I guess you're right, Dad, Give me a dollar, will you?

兒子：爸爸，給我一角錢(qián)。

父親：兒子，你不認(rèn)為你已經(jīng)長(zhǎng)大了，不該再老是一角一角地要錢(qián)了(該自立了)，不是嗎？

兒子：爸爸，我想你是對(duì)的，那給我一塊錢(qián)行嗎？

A little kid fell in love with another little kid, a school mate. Sometimes the kids think they fall in love when they have a crush on someone else in the class, when they?re eight or ten years old or something like that. So the eight-year-oldkid came back home and asked his father, “Father, is it expensive to be married?” And the father said, “Yes, son, it is very expensive.” So the son asked, “How mu

ch does it cost?” And the father said, “I don?t know, son. I?m still paying.”

有個(gè)小孩愛(ài)上了另一個(gè)小孩，對(duì)方是學(xué)校的同學(xué)。八歲或十歲左右的孩子有時(shí)會(huì)迷戀班上某個(gè)人，然后就以為自己戀愛(ài)了。因此這個(gè)八歲的小孩回家問(wèn)他爸爸：「爸爸，結(jié)婚很花錢(qián)嗎？」爸爸說(shuō)：「是啊，兒子，非�；ㄥX(qián)�！箖鹤佑謫�(wèn)：「要花多少錢(qián)呢？」爸爸說(shuō)：「我不知道，兒子，我到現(xiàn)在還一直在付錢(qián)��！」

"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?" "No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it."

“孩子，你為什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了嗎？”

“沒(méi)有，老師�？墒悄阕蛱煺f(shuō)你告訴我的知識(shí)都是一個(gè)耳朵里進(jìn)，一個(gè)耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面�！�

“I'm sorry ，Madam ，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .”

“Twenty d ollars! Why ，I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!”

“Yes，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .”

“對(duì)不起，夫人，為您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元�！�

“20美元！為什么？不是說(shuō)好只要4美元。”

“是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四個(gè)病人嚇跑了。”

TWO： Teacher：We all know that beat causes an object to expand an cold cauese it to contract. Now，can anyone give me a good example?

John：Well ，in the summer the days are long，and in the winter the days are short. 老師：我們都知道熱脹冷縮的道理�，F(xiàn)在，誰(shuí)給我舉個(gè)例子？

約翰：嗯，在夏天天都長(zhǎng)，在冬天天都短。

The lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours. then he started again, and said he:"Let me ask the evolutionist a question --- if we had tails like a baboon, where are they?"

"I'll venture an answer, " said an old lady. "We have worn them off sitting here so long.".

教進(jìn)化論的老師已經(jīng)滔滔不絕地講了快兩個(gè)小時(shí)，他的話(huà)題又來(lái)了：“讓我向進(jìn)化論者提個(gè)問(wèn)題——如果我們?cè)��?jīng)像狒狒那樣長(zhǎng)著尾巴，那么現(xiàn)在尾巴到哪里去

了？”

“我來(lái)試試看，”一位老太太說(shuō)。

“該是我們?cè)谶@里坐這么久把它們磨掉了吧�！�

A man was going to the house of some rich person. As he went along the road, he saw a box of good apples at the side of the road. He said, "I do not want to eat those apples; for the rich man will give me much food; he will give me very nice food to eat." Then he took the apples and threw them away into the dust. He went on and came to a river. The river had become very big; so he could not go over it. He waited for some time; then he said, "I cannot go to the rich man's house today, for I cannot get over the river." He began to go home. He had eaten no food that day. He began to want food. He came to the apples, and he was glad to take them out of the dust and eat them. Do not throw good things away; you may be glad to have them at some other time.

【譯文】 一個(gè)人正朝著一個(gè)富人的房子走去，當(dāng)他沿著路走時(shí)，在路的一邊他發(fā)現(xiàn)一箱好蘋(píng)果，他說(shuō)：“我不打算吃那些蘋(píng)果，因?yàn)楦蝗藭?huì)給我更多的食物，他會(huì)給我很好吃的東西�！比缓笏�拿起蘋(píng)果，一把扔到土里去。 他繼續(xù)走，來(lái)到河邊，河漲水了，因此，他到不了河對(duì)岸，他等了一會(huì)兒，然后他說(shuō)：“今天我去不了富人家了，因?yàn)槲也荒芏蛇^(guò)河。” 他開(kāi)始回家，那天他沒(méi)有吃東西。他就開(kāi)始去找吃的，他找到蘋(píng)果，很高興地把它們從塵土中翻出來(lái)吃了。 不要把好東西扔掉，換個(gè)時(shí)候你會(huì)覺(jué)得它們大有用處。

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢(qián)。

小學(xué)生英語(yǔ)幽默小故事篇三：小學(xué)生英語(yǔ)幽默故事(超全版_中英雙語(yǔ))

Good morning everybody!Today I'll tell a little joke to you.

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two dollars. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two dollars more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy."

OK,thank you

listening,that's all.

好孩子

小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢(qián)。

“昨天給你的錢(qián)干什么了？”

“我給了一個(gè)可憐的老太婆，”他回答說(shuō)。 “你真是個(gè)好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說(shuō)。“再給你兩分錢(qián)�？赡銥槭裁磳�(duì)那位老太太那么感興趣呢？” for

“她是個(gè)賣(mài)糖果的�！�

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