關(guān)于幽默英語(yǔ)作文篇一：英語(yǔ)短文故事(幽默笑話)

英語(yǔ)短文故事

短文一:

The science teacher lecturing his class in biology said, "Now I'll show you this frog in my pocket." He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a chicken sandwich. He looked puzzled for a second, thought deeply, and said,

"That's funny. I distinctly remember eating my lunch." 短文二：

During the heat of the space race in the 1960s, the U.S. National Aeronautics and Space Administration decided it needed a ball point pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules. After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of approximately $1million U.S.

The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on earth.

The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.

短文三：

When I take a long time, I am slow.

When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough.

When I don't do it, I am lazy.

When my boss doesn't do it, he is too busy.

When I do something without being told, I am trying to be smart. When my boss does the same, that is initiative.

When I please my boss, I am ass-kissing.

When my boss pleases his boss, he is co-operating. I do good, my boss never remembers.

When I do wrong, he never forgets.

短文四：

An old man lived alone in Northern Ireland. His only son was in

prison. The old man wanted to plant some potatoes in his garden but he didn't know anyone who would help him plow up the garden. He wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, "For HEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!"

At 4 AM the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns.Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him wh(轉(zhuǎn)載于:www.91mayou.com 蒲 公 英 文 摘:關(guān)于幽默英語(yǔ)作文)at happened and asking him what to do next.

His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes." 短文五:

One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her

mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do."

The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this! By the way, what was it that you didn't do?"

The little girl replied, "My homework."

短文六：

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den（私室，賊窩） . What is the big brass gong（鑼） and hammer for? one of his friends asked. That is the talking clock, the man replied. How's it work?

Watch, the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!

短文七：

On her return from school，little Dolly，aged ten，was pulled on to her Daddy's knee，and informed that the fairies had that day brought a big surprise a little baby brother．She see med glad，and presently said：

“Will you give me a stamp，daddy？I want to write and tell

brother Tom．”

The father was touched by this，and provided the little lass with the materials to write a letter to her brother，who was away at school．Later，curious to know how she would tell the news，he took an opportunity to read what she had writen．He received something of a shock on reading the following：“Dear Tom， It's come off today．You've lost；it's a boy．” 短文八：

One evening，in the midst of dinner preparation，our 10 yearold daughter asked，“Mom my， what's puberty？”My wife was rushed at the moment，so she suggested that Peggy look up the word in the dictionary，after which they could talk about it．

A few minutes later，Peggy returned．Her mother asked what the dictionary had said．“Puberty means，”announced Peggy，“the earliest age at which a girl is able to bear children．”“What do you think of that？” my wife asked．

“I'm not sure，” Peggy replied．“I've always been able to bear children．It's adults I can't bear．”

短文九：

There was a small boy who had been given a little terrier for his very own，on which he bestowed the name of Paddy，and loved mightily．He was very saddened by the fact that he could

not take his pet away with him on his holidays，which he was spending with some relatives in the country．

Whilst he was away Paddy's young life was cut short by an unfortunate adventure with a motor．The boy's mother feared he would take the news very hardly on his return；she broke it very gently，therefore，and was rather surprised that the little lad did not seem much perturbed．Later，however，she heard him weeping lustily in his bed．He was inarticulate with grief，but his brother explained that he was crying“about Paddy”．“But，” said the mother，“I told him about it this morning，and he did not seem to mind！”

The brother explained，“yes，but he thought you said Daddy．” 短文十：

It was a cold，raw day at Washington．Champ Clark was discussing the gamins of the cities with an English visitor．The latter expatiated on the wit of the London type of the genius．Clark declared that if the Englishman were to ask any Washington street urchin any question，the urchin would make anaptreply．They sallied forth．

“What time is it，Bub？They tell me you can tell time by your nose，”said the visitor to the first newsboy they met．“Ask your own，mister，mine ain't run nin’，”was the reply．

關(guān)于幽默英語(yǔ)作文篇二：英語(yǔ)幽默小短文

英語(yǔ)幽默小短文

The Old Cat

An old woman had a cat. The cat was very old; she could not run quickly, and she could not bite, because she was so old. One day the old cat saw a mouse; she jumped and caught the mouse. But she could not bite it; so the mouse got out of her mouth and ran away, because the cat could not bite it. Then the old woman became very angry because the cat had not killed the mouse. She began to hit the cat. The cat said, "Do not hit your old servant. I have worked for you for many years, and I would work for you still, but I am too old. Do not be unkind to the old, but remember what good work the old did when they were young."

關(guān)于幽默英語(yǔ)作文篇三：有趣的小短文(英語(yǔ))

一

The easiest question in the world

one day , a rich man met Sam. the rich man asked , " I`ve heard you are very clever and nothing is difficult to you. Can you tell me why you are so clever."

Sam answered, "I`m not clever, but you are too silly." The rich man became very angry.

Sam said, "Sir, please don`t be angry, if you don`t believe what I said, let me ask you a question now. If you have a group of sheep, I give you another group. How groups of sheep do you have?"

"Why, that`s the easiest question in the world, one and one is two.Anybody knows that. I have two groups of sheep. "

Sam laughed and said," You are wrong, sir.two groups of sheep put together is still one group. That is easiest question in the world."

二

I`ll not go home tonight because of the rain

When a friend was visiting David, it began to rain. So David told him not to go home that night."You may stay here for the night," he said." Ok, " answered his friend. But a few minutes later, the friend went out. He didn`t tell David where he was going nor did he ask for an umbrella. When David was about to go to bed, his friend returned, he was all wet through.

"Where have you been?" asked David. "I have been home," answered the friend, " to tell my brother that I`ll not go home tonight because of the rain."

三

Why do I want to go to college?

Why do I want to go to college? No one asked me such a question. But many times I have asked myself.I have come up with a whole variety of reasons. The most important reason is that I want to be a better man.

Many things make human beings different is education. If i fail to receive higher education, my education will not finish. As I want to be a fully developed , I must get a well-rounded education, which good colleges and universities are supposed to provide.

I know one can get educated in many ways, but colleges and universities are among the best places to teach me how to educate myself. Only when I am well-educated, will I be a better human being and be fit into society.

四

Children should not have to do heavy work

It is not a good idea for children to have to work hard. Children should study in school as hard as they can. They should not have to do heavy work with their bodies. When parents or others force children to work hard, the results are never good and may be very bad.

A farmer`s son who has to work hard like a man may early learn to hate farming. Children sometimes do too much work in gardens, in shops or even in their own own homes.

They soon begin to hate such kind of work with force that can destroy their happiness. But there may be a worse loss: a child`s love for his parents. The feeling may become something different. When that happens, the old kind of love never returns.

五

The effect of the blood group on personality

Your blood group hides no secrets, it shows the "real you." If you belong to blood group O, you can get things done and sell the goods well. Blood group A are the thinkers,while blood group B are highly creative, people belonging to blood group B might be good at painting and writing. And if you have problems, ask the ABs to solve them.

Your blood group could affect your work. So if you visited the Japanese company, you would find the O types out selling goods and A types keeping order in the office.

六

Dogs

People often say that a dog is man's best friend. Over thousands of years, man has taught his dogs to do many kinds of work besides guarding the home. For example, sheepdogs are famous for their ability to control a flock of hundreds of sheep.

Dogs have been used to aid disabled people for centuries. A guide dog can lead its blind owner. Nowadays, dogs can be taught to turn on light switches, open refrigerator doors and dial the telephone for their disabled owners. For the majority of people, however, dogs are simply pets and friends for both young and old members of the family.

guard 看守，看護(hù) sheepdog 牧羊犬 flock 群 aid 幫助

disabled 殘疾人 century 世紀(jì)guide dog 導(dǎo)盲犬 dial 撥 majority 大多數(shù)

狗

人們總是說狗是人類最好的朋友。幾千年來(lái)，除了看家外，人類還教會(huì)了狗去做許多其他的事，例如，牧羊犬就因其可以控制數(shù)百只羊的羊群而出名。

狗用來(lái)幫助殘疾人已有好幾個(gè)世紀(jì)了。導(dǎo)盲犬可以為盲主人引路�，F(xiàn)在，人們還教狗為殘疾主人打開電燈、開冰箱和撥電話。然而，對(duì)于大多數(shù)人來(lái)說，狗只是家里老人和孩子們的寵物和朋友。

七

What is Time? （Nursery Rhyme）

Time is grain for peasants.

Time is wealth for workers.

Time is life for doctors.

Time is victory for soldiers.

Time is knowledge for students.

Time is speed for scientists.

Time is money for businessmen.

Time is everything for all of us.

Therefore, seize the time of today!

grain 糧食wealth 財(cái)富 victory 勝利 seize 抓住，把握

時(shí)間是什么（童謠一首）

對(duì)農(nóng)民來(lái)說，時(shí)間就是糧食。對(duì)工人來(lái)說，時(shí)間就是財(cái)富。對(duì)醫(yī)生來(lái)說，時(shí)間就是生命。

對(duì)士兵來(lái)說，時(shí)間就是勝利。對(duì)學(xué)生來(lái)說，時(shí)間就是知識(shí)。對(duì)科學(xué)家來(lái)說，時(shí)間就是速度。

對(duì)企業(yè)家來(lái)說，時(shí)間就是金錢。對(duì)我們大家來(lái)說，時(shí)間就是一切。因此，把握今天!

八

Perfect Match

A rich woman is so proud of a valuable antique vase that she decides to have her bedroom painted the same color as the vase. Several painters try to mix the color right, but none comes close enough to satisfy the woman.

Eventually, a painter comes. He is confident that he can mix the proper color. The woman is pleased with the result, and the painter becomes famous. Years later, he retires and turns the business over to his son. "Dad,"asks the son, "there's something I've got to know. How did you get those walls to match the vase so perfectly?" "Son,” the father replies, "I painted the vase."

proud of 自豪 valuable 值錢的antique vase 古董花瓶 paint 用油漆漆

satisfy 滿意 eventually 最終 confident 有信心的 retire 退休 match 和……相配

絕配

一個(gè)有錢的婦人感到非常驕傲，因?yàn)樗�有一只值錢的古董花瓶，她決定把她的臥室漆成和花瓶一樣的顏色。好幾個(gè)油漆匠試圖調(diào)出正確的顏色，但是沒有一個(gè)人調(diào)出的顏色能讓婦人滿意。

最后，來(lái)了一個(gè)油漆匠。他很有信心可以調(diào)出合適的顏色。果然婦人對(duì)最終的效果感到滿意，漆匠也因此成名。

幾年后，漆匠退休了，他把生意交給了兒子。“爸爸，”兒子問，“有件事我想知道。你是如何調(diào)配出和花瓶一樣的顏色的？” “兒子，”父親回答，“我把花瓶也一起漆了�！�

九

A Joke— “I stand corrected”

I have this friend who always seemed to lean slightly to the left all the time. It used to bother me, so I suggested he see a doctor, and have his legs checked out. For years, he refused and told me I was crazy, but last week, he finally went. Sure enough, the doctor discovered his left leg was a quarter inch shorter than his right. A quick bit of surgery later, he was cured, and both legs are exactly the same length now, and he no longer leans. “So,”I said, "You didn't believe me when I told you a doctor could fix your leg. He just looked at me and said, "I stand corrected.

lean 傾斜 slightly 輕微地 check out 檢查 refuse 拒絕 quarter 四分之一

surgery 手術(shù) cure 治愈 fix 治愈 stand corrected 認(rèn)錯(cuò)

笑話——“我誠(chéng)懇認(rèn)錯(cuò)”

我有一個(gè)朋友，他似乎總是微微向左傾斜。這個(gè)問題曾經(jīng)非常困擾我，所以我建議他去看醫(yī)生，檢查一下他的腿。幾年來(lái)，他總是不聽我的建議，還說我不正常，但是上星期，他終于去看了醫(yī)生。果真，醫(yī)生發(fā)現(xiàn)他的左腿比右腿短四分之一英寸。一個(gè)很快的小手術(shù)后，他康復(fù)了，現(xiàn)在他的兩條腿完全一樣長(zhǎng)了，他也不再傾斜了�！澳憧矗�”我說，“那時(shí)我告訴你醫(yī)生可以治好你的腿時(shí)你還不相信我呢。”他看著我說：“我認(rèn)錯(cuò)了�！�

十

A Friend

When you read an English book, you often come across new words. You might try to guess what the words mean from the words you know, but when you cannot guess the meanings of new words at all, what should you do?

You have a good friend then. From him you can learn what a word means, how to pronounce a word, how to use a word, and so on. This friend can always be with you, and you can always ask him to help you. Do you know who this friend is? It is a dictionary. You can learn some important things about words from it, so you must know how to use it.

come across 碰到 guess 猜測(cè)

朋 友

當(dāng)你讀英語(yǔ)書時(shí)，你經(jīng)常會(huì)碰到新單詞。你可能試著從你知道的詞中猜這些詞的意思，但是當(dāng)你無(wú)法猜出這些詞的意思時(shí)，你該怎么辦呢？

這時(shí)你有一個(gè)好朋友。從他那里你可以學(xué)到單詞的意思、發(fā)音及用法等。這個(gè)朋友可以經(jīng)常伴你左右，你可以經(jīng)常請(qǐng)他幫忙。你知道這個(gè)朋友是誰(shuí)嗎？

他就是字典。你可以從他那里學(xué)習(xí)有關(guān)詞匯的眾多重要知識(shí)，所以你必須學(xué)會(huì)如何使用字典。

十一

The Hare and the Tortoise

One day a hare was telling the other animals how fast he could run. "I can beat anyone!"cried he. "Will one of you try a race with me?"

"I will,?said the tortoise.

"You!?laughed the hare. "Oh, oh, how funny!?

"Save your laughing for the end of the race,?said the tortoise.

So a starting line was made, and away they went. The hare ran fast and was soon far ahead, so he sat down to rest. By the time the tortoise came up, the hare was sleeping.

On and on went the tortoise, and when the hare looked up at last, it was too late.

There sat the tortoise by the sign that said: The End.

hare 野兔 tortoise 龜，烏龜 beat 打敗 race 比賽

兔子和烏龜

一天，兔子正在向其他動(dòng)物炫耀他能跑得很快�！拔夷芘苓^任何人�！彼�喊道。 “你們有誰(shuí)想和我比一比嗎？” “我�！睘觚斦f。 “你！”兔子笑道，“哦，哦，太滑稽了！” “留著到比賽結(jié)束后笑吧�！睘觚斦f。

他們劃了條起跑線，出發(fā)了。兔子跑得飛快，很快就跑到了前面，所以他坐下來(lái)休息。等到烏龜趕上來(lái)時(shí)，他睡著了。

烏龜一直往前走，當(dāng)兔子最后醒來(lái)時(shí)，已經(jīng)太晚了。 烏龜坐在一塊牌子旁，上面寫著： 終點(diǎn)。

十二

The Eagle and the Raven

An eagle was trying to break open a nut in his beak when a raven landed on a branch beside him. The raven eyed the nut hopefully, "You'll never break it like that,"he said. "If I were you I would fly up in the sky as high as I

could, then drop the nut onto the rocks. It's the only way you'll get at the kernel."

The eagle flew up into the sky, then let the nut fall down, down, down to the

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