先圣孔子創(chuàng)立的以“仁、義、禮、智、信”為中心思想的儒家文化,在中華民族的婚嫁禮俗中得到秉承和傳續(xù),源遠流長。由古而今,男大當婚,女大當嫁。男婚女嫁,乃人生一大慶典,向有“小登科”之稱。古人認為結婚是人倫之始,合兩性之好,上可事宗廟,下可繼后世,因而形成了一種約定俗成的婚俗禮儀。
　　濰坊古邑,人杰地靈 ,文化底蘊深厚。其婚俗禮儀,既融合了民族婚俗共性的內(nèi)容與形式,又形成了鮮明獨特的地域文化與民俗特色�，F(xiàn)擇其婚俗中的幾個主要程序及其內(nèi)容作一介紹。
　　
　　提親。又稱議婚。從前男女婚媾,多是家長包辦,媒人介紹,即所謂“父母之命,媒妁之言”。濰坊地區(qū)提親,一般男方18至20歲,女方16至18歲之間。媒人,也稱“介紹人”或“紅娘”,根據(jù)掌握的男女雙方的信息,包括男女雙方的年齡、身高、長相、品行、文化程度、健康狀況,以及雙方家庭的主要成員、經(jīng)濟、住房狀況等,認為雙方門第相當,財產(chǎn)經(jīng)濟狀況懸殊不大,年齡屬相、品貌比較般配,媒人便來往雙方家長之間,從中說合,商量締結婚姻關系。也有男家早已相中女方的品貌,遣媒提親。女方可以根據(jù)男方家庭門第的高下,財產(chǎn)的多少,男方品貌的優(yōu)劣進行抉擇。過去的職業(yè)媒婆多是腿勤嘴巧的中年婦女,在男女雙方不見面、信息不流通的年代,雙方的好壞全憑媒婆一張嘴來介紹。而媒婆為了促成雙方婚姻從中得到豐厚的謝禮,往往兩頭欺瞞,盡量說服雙方消除疑點喜結良緣。提親除媒婆之外,社會上還有一些熱心做好事的人,或者男女雙方的親朋好友,嬸子、大娘、嫂子等,往往也樂意充當“媒人”的角色。這樣的人介紹往往比“媒人”要可信可靠,因為介紹人與被介紹的雙方比較了解,一般不會去做一些欺瞞對方損人利己的事情。
　　經(jīng)過提親,如果雙方家長認為可以做親,還要請算命先生或陰陽先生來合婚,主要測算男女雙方的生辰八字和屬相是否相克。有許多流傳的說法,如在屬相上,“龍虎相斗,狗兔不合”,“白馬犯青牛,雞猴不到頭”。在命相上,如一方為金命,一方為火命,命中“火刻金”,這門親就不能再進行下去。如一方為木命,一方為火命。則“木生火”,大吉之兆,可以成婚。以上提親程序之后,便可以正式簽訂婚約程序――傳啟。如今是信息社會,男女交往頻繁,網(wǎng)上談戀愛,集體相親已十分平常。但在濰坊的高密、昌邑、安丘一帶農(nóng)村,即使男女青年之間已經(jīng)建立了戀愛關系,雙方家長請媒人或親戚朋友到對方家里提親這一程序還是必不可少的。
　　傳啟。也叫“換帖”,即男女雙方家庭以正式文書的形式確定結親。男家請人用紅紙將求親之意寫成帖子,寫清男方的生辰八字,再寫上“恭候金諾”等吉祥語,落款以家長的名義,折成帖狀,并備好紅漆禮盒或拜匣,高密、諸城、昌樂一帶用“竹院子”,禮盒內(nèi)要有壓帖物,如耳墜、戒指、玉鐲、項鏈等,“竹院子”里放豬肉、餑餑、粉條、面點等。齊備后,一般由男方的祖父或近房大伯、叔叔親自到女方家送帖。女方接帖后即回帖,上寫“仰遵玉言”、“謹尊臺命”等吉祥語,然后用包袱包上腰帶、鞋墊等,鞋墊上繡有鴛鴦戲水,雙枝連理等圖案。傳啟之后,雙方的婚姻關系正式確定并得到鄉(xiāng)村鄰里的公認,無論哪一方提出退婚,都會被認為是不道德的。尤其男方不能提出悔婚。女方在這之后經(jīng)過考察了解,認為很不中意,允許悔婚,但要如數(shù)退還男方所送的彩禮,這叫“羞男不羞女”,也可以看作過去人們對婦女的尊重。
　　送日子。即男方選定了舉行婚禮的吉日,然后派媒人去女家討取女方的屬相、八字,再請人擇定吉月利日良辰,同時還要避開迎親、送親之人屬相上的忌諱。測日的口訣有歌為循,如“一、七迎雞兔;二、八虎與猴;三、九蛇共豬;四、十龍和狗;牛羊五、十一;鼠馬六、十二”。送親、迎親屬相的忌諱是:“辰子申忌蛇雞牛,巳酉丑忌虎馬狗,寅午戊忌豬兔羊,亥卯未忌龍鼠猴”。吉日良辰一般選兩個,一個在上半月,一個在下半月,由女家選定后再正式確定。擇定吉日后,便寫成婚書,格式和內(nèi)容如下:
　　謹尊坤命,選擇嫁娶期
　　1、××××××行嫁利月:茲擇于本年×月×日,全吉。
　　2、××××××娶送男女客人,忌×相,大吉。
　　3、××××××上下本轎,面向×方迎喜神,大吉。
　　4、××××××安廬坐帳,宜用×屋×間。
　　5、××××××冠戴:面向×方迎貴神,大吉。坐帳,面向×方迎喜神,
　　大吉。
　　6、××××××路逢井、石、宙宇,用花紅遮之,大吉。
　　天地氤氳,咸桓慶會。金玉滿堂,長命富貴。
　　×年×月×日
　　送日子同時必備聘禮。聘禮多是紅衫、藍襖面、戒指、墜子、帶子等,還要送女方籌備妝奩之資。其數(shù)額根據(jù)男方家庭經(jīng)濟條件而定,但決不能顯得寒酸,否則同村的姑娘互相攀比,女方面子上很過不去�；闀�和聘禮用紅包袱包好,上插柏枝,寓意:“長命百歲”,“百事如意”。
　　送過婚書之后,女方便準備嫁妝,男方家開始布置新房,準備迎娶。親朋好友也開始送喜禮。向男方家送的喜禮一般是一刀肉、一對雞、一對魚、二斤粉皮。向女方家送的喜禮稱作“填箱”,一般送衣物、被褥、布料等。也有向男女雙方家送喜錢的,又叫“隨份子”。凡送喜禮和“隨份子”的,結婚時必須請喝喜酒,并送喜煙、喜糖。
　　臨近婚期,男方要向女家送“催妝禮”,女方則派人到男方家送嫁妝,女方的嫁妝一般是桌椅、箱柜、兩鋪兩蓋,現(xiàn)時應有的家用電器等。
　　婚禮�；槎Y通稱“公事”,通常請親戚朋友和街坊鄰居共同幫忙,主持操辦的人叫“總管”,按照主人家的意圖具體安排諸如寫對聯(lián)、下請柬、啟用車轎、請樂隊、辦酒席、迎親送親、簽到記賬等�，F(xiàn)在一些人家大都請專業(yè)婚禮慶典公司來操辦。
　　婚禮前一天,男方家親戚朋友都已到齊,晚間請樂隊來吹奏演唱慶賀一番。過去結婚時興花轎,新郎身穿長袍馬褂,頭戴禮帽,胸前一朵大紅花,乘坐的轎稱“官轎”,新郎稱“狀元郎”。根據(jù)路途的往返遠近,確定啟轎的時間。準備給新娘坐的轎稱“花轎”,去的時候,“花轎”不能空著,得找一個父母雙全的小男孩壓轎,俗稱“壓轎童子”。準備停當,鞭炮齊鳴,鑼鼓喧天,器樂齊奏,吹吹打打啟程前去迎親。新娘在上轎前,要“開臉”和“上頭”�！伴_臉”,就是用紅線把臉上的絨毛絞掉�！吧项^”,則是把發(fā)辮綰成髻,是新娘由姑娘向媳婦轉變的標志。臨上轎前,父母分離,新娘難免要哭一場,以示難舍難離父母的養(yǎng)育之恩。啟轎后,一路不能落轎,沿路凡經(jīng)過路口、橋梁、寺廟、山河、村莊等處,都要貼一個字貼。舊時結婚稱“小登科”,新郎即“狀元郎”,路上遇到縣官的轎子,縣太爺也得避讓。遇到送殯的也不忌諱和避讓,謂之“白頭到老”。
　　現(xiàn)在年輕人結婚,一般已不用花轎而改為用轎車,一色的用“皇冠”、“宮爵王”、“寶馬”、“奔馳”、“奧迪”等等,但很少用“桑塔納”。這可能在諧音上圖個吉利。
　　新娘下轎時,頭蓋蒙頭紅、腳踏紅地毯,由女嬪扶佐走進“天井里”,走時有人往其身上撒五谷雜糧、彩色紙屑、紅杏、花生、栗子、麩子等,叫“撒谷豆”,目的在于驅邪。天地桌擺在堂屋門前,上放升、斗各一個,裝滿高粱,蒙上紅紙,斗中插一桿秤。斗前升內(nèi)燒一束香。升前豎一面銅鏡。新郎新娘站在桌前紅氈上,女東男西,跟著司儀的喊聲:一拜天地,二拜高堂,夫妻對拜,送入洞房。儀式結束后,新郎用一根紅綢牽著新娘走向洞房,到洞房門口,用供桌子上的秤桿將新娘蒙頭紅挑下,然后新娘才進入洞房。
　　新娘“坐帳”要面向喜神所在的地方�！白鴰ぁ鼻耙�有幾個小男孩“踏帳”,邊踩邊有人把栗子、紅棗、花生撒在床上,邊念叨“一把栗子一把棗,明年生個大胖小”。新娘“坐帳”后,親戚朋友和街坊鄰居都來看新娘,讓新娘點煙,向新娘要糖果、點心吃,熱鬧一番。傍晚時分,新房內(nèi)置矮炕桌,幾碟小菜、點心,新郎新娘喝合巹酒,也叫“交杯酒”、“合歡酒”。喝交杯酒有鬧房者圍觀,主持者左手執(zhí)杯給右首的新娘,右手執(zhí)杯給左首的新郎。夫妻同時各飲半杯,然后交換酒杯再飲。鬧房是婚禮上氣氛最為活躍的節(jié)目,“新媳婦三日無老少”,人人都可以和新娘鬧,但主要的還是一些晚輩和與新郎知心要好的朋友。大家說一些俏皮話,讓新娘開心。也有一些毛頭小青年拉拉扯扯,動手動腳,但新娘新郎一般不會動氣,氣氛越活躍說明人緣關系越好。
　　新婚之夜,要點“長明燈”,新娘、新郎上床時,本族的小叔小姑們還會在窗外聽“悄悄話”,有時候憋不住笑出聲來,新郎新娘倒覺得很難為情,而且以后還會成為他們開玩笑的話把�；槎Y后的第一天上午,新娘由妯娌們帶領,到本族的長輩家里請安磕頭,長輩們都要給喜錢。第三天新娘要回娘家,稱“回門”。新娘的哥哥或叔叔來把新娘接回去,住一晚,第二天新郎去接回來。要是娘家太遠,也可以“搬三”,即由本村與男方家要好的鄰居把新娘接過去在家里住一晚上,新郎不能同去,第二天招待新娘吃了中午飯后送回來。
　　濰坊婚俗內(nèi)容是非常豐厚的,許多都被人們承襲延續(xù)著,在豐富著歷史的同時,也豐富著婚俗文化。
　　
　　The Ancient Marriage Customs of Weifang
　　Confucianism culture, that takes “benevolence, righteousness, courtesy, wisdom and cautiousness” as its essence, has been inherited and applied to the wedding customs in China. From ancient times to the present, folk wedding customs have been formed by usage.
　　In Weifang, an ancient city in Shandong Province, where a deep traditional culture has been formed, the marriage customs display unique regional and folk characteristics.
　　Proposing marriage. In ancient times, most of young people’s marriages were arranged by their parents and they were introduced by the matchmakers. In Weifang, marriage was proposed when the young men were at the age of 18 to 20 and the girls were at the age of 16 to 18. According to the details of the young men and young girls, such as their age, height, appearance, conducts, educational level, health condition, family background, and economic and housing conditions, if the matchmaker thought that a young man and a young girl were properly matched, he (she) would make introduction to the parents of the two families to establish the marriage relationship. If a young man’s family favored a pretty young girl, his parents also would ask a matchmaker to propose marriage to the young girl’s family. The girls’ families could make choices according to the young men’s family status, wealth, physical appearance and conduct. Most of the professional matchmakers were middle-aged women who were good at persuasion. In an era when the young men and young girls had no opportunities to see each other and no information was available, all the information for both sides depended on the introduction of the matchmakers. With a view to getting rich rewards from the marriage, the matchmakers always lied to both sides to eliminate their doubts so as to bring about the marriage. Besides the professional matchmakers, some warmhearted people, such as the young people’s good friends, aunties and sisters-in-law also liked to act as the matchmaker. What’s more, they were more reliable and trustworthy than the professional matchmakers.
　　Exchanging engagement letters. The parents of both the young men and the young girls confirmed the marriage relationship with formal written letters. Usually, a young man’s family had the marriage proposal written on a piece of red paper, and sent the letter to the girl’s family with some affiliated gifts, such as pearls, rings and jade bangles. After receiving the letter, the young girl’s family would send back a confirmation letter with gifts such as belts and insoles to confirm the marriage proposal.
　　Wedding. Usually, relatives and neighbors of the bridegroom were invited to help to organize the wedding. The person in charge of the wedding affairs, called the “Chief Steward”, was responsible for writing the couplets, letter of invitations, renting sedan chairs, feasts and guest receptions.
　　One day before the wedding, the bridegroom’s relatives and friends would come to his family. During the night, a band would be invited to perform to celebrate the wedding. For the bride, before leaving her home for the bridegroom’s home, she should bid farewell in tears to her parents to show her gratitude to them.

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