手語(yǔ)短文篇一：手語(yǔ)考試自選短文

每個(gè)人都應(yīng)當(dāng)有夢(mèng)想，因?yàn)�，有�?mèng)想是一種幸福，當(dāng)我們?yōu)樽约旱膲?mèng)想付出努力的時(shí)候，我們是幸福的；當(dāng)我們看到自己的勞動(dòng)成果的時(shí)候，我們是幸福的。

幸福就是一種心的感受，成功是幸福，失敗也是幸福，人生是崎嶇的，要給自己信心和希望，去尋找屬于自己的幸福。

為了實(shí)現(xiàn)自己的理想，我們的一生要付出很多，我們的付出終能得到成功，在實(shí)現(xiàn)夢(mèng)想的路途中，我們所經(jīng)歷的不論是快樂還是痛苦，它們都是我們應(yīng)當(dāng)珍藏的記憶。

手語(yǔ)短文篇二：經(jīng)典英語(yǔ)短文背誦[42篇]

經(jīng)典英語(yǔ)短文背誦

第一天：THE NEWSPAPER 報(bào) 紙

Nowadays the newspaper possesses considerable value. Everybody should read it. It supplies us with a variety of news every day. It tells us the political situation of the world. If we form. the habit of reading the newspaper, we shall (will) get enough knowledge to cope with our circumstance.

Though students have to do the homework everyday, they should spare at least one or two hours to read newspaper. In this way, they can not only increase knowledge, but also keep up with the times. In a word, reading newspaper is of great benefit to students.

現(xiàn)今報(bào)紙擁有極大的價(jià)值，人人都應(yīng)該看它。它每天提供我們各種類類的消息。它告訴我們世界政治局勢(shì)。如果我們養(yǎng)成看報(bào)的習(xí)慣，我們就能得到足夠的知識(shí)來(lái)因應(yīng)我們的環(huán)境。 學(xué)生雖然每天須做功課，但他們至少應(yīng)該勻出一兩個(gè)小時(shí)來(lái)看報(bào)。哪些，他們不但能增加知識(shí)而且也能趕上時(shí)代�？偠�言之，看報(bào)對(duì)學(xué)生很有益處。

第二天：MY DAILY LIFE 我的日常生活

Though my daily life is extremely monotonous, I try hard to adapt myself to it. Why? Because I intend to be a good student. I wish to render service to my country.

I get up at six o’clock every day. After I wash my face and brush my teeth, I begin to review my lessons. I go to school at seven o’clock.

After school is over, I return home. We usually have supper at seven o’clock.

Then I begin to do my homework. I want to finish it before I go to bed.

雖然我的日常生活十分單調(diào)，但我卻竭力設(shè)法去適應(yīng)它。為什么？因?yàn)槲掖蛩阕鲆粋�(gè)好學(xué)生，希望將來(lái)為國(guó)家服務(wù)。

我每天六點(diǎn)起床、洗臉?biāo)⒀篮�，就開始復(fù)習(xí)功課，七點(diǎn)鐘我就去上學(xué)。

放學(xué)后，我就回家了。我們通常在七點(diǎn)鐘吃晚餐，之后我就開始做家庭作業(yè)，希望在睡覺前把它做完。

第三天：A MODEL STUDENT 模范學(xué)生

Do you mind being called a bad student? Of course not.So far as I know, everybody intends to be (become) a model student.

However, to be a model student is by no means an easy thing. Firstly, he must do his best to obtain knowledge. A man without sufficient knowledge will not succeed. Secondly, he must remember to improve his health. Only a strong man can do great tasks. Thirdly, he should receive moral education. If his conduct is not good, no one will consider making friends with him.

你介意被稱為壞學(xué)生嗎？當(dāng)然不。就我所知，每個(gè)人都打算做模范學(xué)生。

然而，做模范學(xué)生卻不容易。第一，他必須盡力獲得知識(shí)（求知）。一個(gè)沒有足夠知識(shí)的人是不會(huì)成功的。第二，他必須記住促進(jìn)健康。只有強(qiáng)壯的人才能做大事。第三，他應(yīng)該接受道德教育。如果他品行不好，沒有人會(huì)考慮和他交朋友的。

第四天：HOW TO GET HAPPINESS 如何獲得快樂

There is no doubt that happiness is the most precious thing in the world. Without it, life will be empty and meaningless. If you wish to know how to get happiness, you must pay attention to the

following two points.

Firstly, health is the secret of happiness (the key to happiness). Only a strong man can enjoy the pleasure of life.

Secondly, happiness consists in contentment. A man who is dissatisfied with his present condition is always in distress.

無(wú)疑的快樂是世界上最寶貴的東西。沒有它，人生將是空虛的而且毫無(wú)意義的。如果你希望知道如何獲得快樂，你須注意下面兩點(diǎn)。

健康是快樂的要訣。唯有身體強(qiáng)壯的人才能享受人生的樂趣。

快樂在于知足。一個(gè)不滿于現(xiàn)狀的人終是處在痛苦之中。

第五天：BOOKS 書籍

As is well known, books teach us to learn life, truth, science and many other useful things. They increase our knowledge, broaden our minds and strengthen our character. In other words, they are our good teachers and wise friends. This is the reason why our parents always encourage us to read more books.

Readingis a good thing, but we must pay great attention to the choice of books. It is true that we can derive benefits from good books. However, bad books will do us more harm than good.

如眾所周知，書籍教我們學(xué)習(xí)人生，真理，科學(xué)以及其它許多有用的東西。它們?cè)黾游覀兊闹�識(shí)，擴(kuò)大我們的心胸并加強(qiáng)我們的品格。換句話說，它們是我們的良師益友。這是為什么我們的父母終是鼓勵(lì)我們要多讀書的理由。

讀書是一好事，但我們必須多加注意書的選擇。不錯(cuò)，我們能從好書中獲得益處。然而，壞書卻對(duì)我們有害無(wú)益。

第六天：A TRIP TO THE COUNTRY 鄉(xiāng)村游記

One Sunday my mother (Mother) had (made) me take my little young brother to the a trip to the country. She bade me take good care of him.

While we were walking along the road, the sun was shining brightly and the breeze was blowing gently. We saw the beautiful flowers smile (smiling) at us and heard the birds sing (singing) their sweet songs on the trees. The scenery was indeed very pretty (beautiful).

When we felt tired, we returned home. We saw Mother (our mother) wait (waiting) for us at the door.

有一個(gè)星期日，我母親叫我?guī)�小弟弟去鄉(xiāng)村游歷。她吩咐我要好好照料他。

當(dāng)我們沿著道路行走的時(shí)候，太陽(yáng)燦爛地照耀著，微風(fēng)輕輕地吹著。我們看見美麗的花兒對(duì)我們微笑著，并聽見鳥兒在樹上唱著悅耳的歌曲，風(fēng)景實(shí)十分美麗。

當(dāng)我們感覺到疲倦的時(shí)候，我們就回家了。我們看見母樣正在門口等候我們。

第七天：BE PATRIOTIC 要愛國(guó)

It is the duty of every citizen to make the country rich and powerful (To make the country rich and strong is...). In order to accomplish this object one must be patriotic (love his country). I consider this an unchangeable truth.

How can a student love his country (be patriotic)? I find my answer very simple and clear. He must study hard and store up knowledge so as to serve his (the) country in the future. If every student can do according to what I said, the country will certainly be rich and powerful.

要使國(guó)家富強(qiáng)是每個(gè)公民的責(zé)任。為了達(dá)到此目的，必須愛國(guó)。我認(rèn)為這是一條不易的定理。 一個(gè)學(xué)生如何才能愛國(guó)呢？我發(fā)覺答復(fù)很簡(jiǎn)單明了。他必須用功讀書并積儲(chǔ)知識(shí)以便將來(lái)服務(wù)國(guó)家。如果每個(gè)學(xué)生能按照我所說的去做，國(guó)家一定會(huì)富強(qiáng)。

第八天：THE VALUE OF TIME 愛惜時(shí)光

An English proverb says that time is money. I consider it (this) wrong. Why? Because we all know that we can earn money by work but can not in any way get back time (in anyway). For this reason, we may (can) say that time is more valuable than money.

Many people do not know the value of time. It (this) is indeed a great pity. We must bear (keep) in mind that wasting timeis equal towasting your life.

英國(guó)有句諺語(yǔ)說，時(shí)間就是金錢。我認(rèn)為這是不對(duì)的。為什么？因?yàn)槲覀兇蠹叶贾�道我們能夠用工作賺錢，但無(wú)論如何卻無(wú)法把時(shí)間爭(zhēng)取回來(lái)�；�于此種理由，我們可以說時(shí)間比錢錢更寶貴。

許多人不知愛惜時(shí)光。這確實(shí)是可惜的。我們必須記住浪費(fèi)時(shí)間等于浪費(fèi)生命。

第九天：WHY SHOULD WE STUDY ENGLISH 為什么我們要學(xué)英文

If you want to ask me why we should study English, my answer will be simple and clear. Now let me enumerate the reasons one by one in the following.

In the first place, English has become an international language. If you know English, you van make a trip round the world without being misunderstood.

In the second place, most valuable books, newspapers and magazines are written in English. If you wish (hope) to get knowledge, you must learn English.

如果你要問我們?yōu)槭裁次覀円獙W(xué)英文。我的答復(fù)很簡(jiǎn)單明了�，F(xiàn)在讓我來(lái)把我的理由一一列舉在下面：

英文已成為一種國(guó)際語(yǔ)言。如果你通曉它，你可以環(huán)游世界不會(huì)被人誤解。

大多數(shù)有價(jià)值的書籍，報(bào)紙和雜志都是用英文寫的。如果你希望獲得知識(shí)，你必須學(xué)習(xí)英文。

第十天：MY BIRTHDAY 我的生日

Yesterday was my birthday, so some of my classmates sent me presents. Mother prepared a tea party for me. I invited all of them to come and take part in it.

The tea party began at half past six. There were cold drinks and refreshments. We ate, talked and laughed. We felt that we were the happiest men in the world.

Time passed quickly. In a twinkling, the clock on the wall struck nine. We could not but say ―Good-bye‖ to one another.

昨天是我生日，所以有幾位我的同班同學(xué)送我禮。母親給我準(zhǔn)備一個(gè)茶會(huì)。我邀請(qǐng)他們都前來(lái)參加。

茶會(huì)下午六點(diǎn)半開始。有冷飲和點(diǎn)心。我們又吃又談?dòng)中ΑＮ覀冇X得是世界上最快樂的人。 時(shí)間過得很快。轉(zhuǎn)瞬間，墻上的鐘敲九點(diǎn)了。我們不得不互道再見。

第十一天：HOW TO SPEND SUNDAYS 如何消度星期日

Some of us always spend Sundays aimlessly. We can seldom derive profits from the valuable hours (time) of Sundays. This is indeed a great pity. Though Sundays are set aside as a day for rest, we must make good use of them.

We know that our school lessons are usually not sufficient. We should often utilize Sundays to

read reference books. In this way we will increase our knowledge. Besides, we must be engaged in sports or outing so as to strengthen our bodies.

我們?cè)S多人終是把星期日毫無(wú)目的地消度掉。這確實(shí)是十分可惜。我們很少能從星期日的寶貴時(shí)光中獲得益處。雖然星期日是被指定為一個(gè)休息的日子，但是我們卻應(yīng)好好利用它。 我們知道我們學(xué)校的功課通常是不夠的。我們應(yīng)時(shí)常利用星期日來(lái)閱讀參考書。如此我們的知識(shí)就會(huì)增加了。此外，我們必須從事運(yùn)動(dòng)或郊游以便強(qiáng)壯我們的身體。

第十二天：HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY 誠(chéng)為上策

There is an English proverb which says (saying) ―Honesty is the best policy.‖ It signifies the importance of honesty.

What are the benefits of honesty? If you are honest to others, they will be honest to you in return. When you are sad, they will comfort you. When you are in trouble, they will help you.

There is no enumerating the evils of dishonesty here. In a word, a dishonest man will be looked down upon by others and (be) regarded as a public enemy.

英國(guó)有一句諺語(yǔ)說“誠(chéng)為上策”。它說明了誠(chéng)的重要性。

誠(chéng)的益處是什么？如果你對(duì)他人誠(chéng)實(shí)，他們也會(huì)對(duì)你誠(chéng)實(shí)作為報(bào)答。當(dāng)你憂悉的時(shí)候，他們會(huì)安慰你。當(dāng)你是處在困難中的時(shí)候，他們會(huì)幫助你。

無(wú)法在這里數(shù)述不誠(chéng)實(shí)的害處。一言以蔽之，一個(gè)不誠(chéng)實(shí)的人會(huì)被人看輕的而且被看作為一個(gè)公敵。

第十三天：HOW EXERCISE HELPS 運(yùn)動(dòng)的利益

If our bodies are not strong, our spirit to do things will certainly be quite dull. And at the same time, we are lack of energy (ies) to study. Diseases will only attack the weak, but not the strong. Why are our bodies not strong? Because we do not pay attention to exercise. For this reason, we students must often take different kinds (sorts) of exercise in the gym.

Exercise helps us (to) strengthen our bodies and avoid disease. It also teaches us cooperation, for most exercise is played by team.

如果我們的身體不強(qiáng)壯，我們做事的精神一定會(huì)十分遲鈍。而且同時(shí)，我們也缺少足夠的精力來(lái)讀書。疾病只為侵擊體弱的人而不是強(qiáng)壯的人。

為什么我們的身體會(huì)不強(qiáng)壯呢？因?yàn)槲覀儾蛔⒁膺\(yùn)動(dòng)�；�于此種理由，我們學(xué)生必須時(shí)常在

運(yùn)動(dòng)場(chǎng)做不同種類的運(yùn)動(dòng)。

運(yùn)動(dòng)幫助我們強(qiáng)壯身體并避免疾病。它也教我們合作，因?yàn)榇蠖鄶?shù)的運(yùn)動(dòng)都是團(tuán)體游玩的。

第十四天：THE BENEFITS OF TRAVELING 旅行的益處

I am always interested in traveling. My reasons are quite (extremely) simple and clear. If anybody is not satisfied with my viewpoint(s), I shall be greatly surprised at his ways of thinking.

In the first place, traveling increases our knowledge. Only by traveling can we see （因?yàn)橛茫╫nly）開頭，主動(dòng)詞須顛倒）things outside our home town.

In the second place, traveling is good to our health. While we are traveling, we usually exercise our bodies.

In conclusion, I earnestly hope that everybody must seize (grasp at) the opportunity of traveling. 我對(duì)旅行終是感覺有趣。我的理由非常簡(jiǎn)單時(shí)了。如果任何人對(duì)我的觀點(diǎn)不滿意的話，我將對(duì)他的想法會(huì)大大吃驚。

旅行增加我們的知識(shí)。只有藉旅行我們可以看到我們故鄉(xiāng)以外的東西。

旅行對(duì)我們的健康有益。當(dāng)我們旅行的時(shí)候，我們通常運(yùn)動(dòng)我們的身體。

第十五天：HOW TO BE A GOOD CITIZEN 如何做一個(gè)好公民

My aim is to become a good citizen so as to be able to render service to the (my) country. However, to become a good citizen is not an easy thing. He has many duties to fulfill.

The first duty of a good citizen is to love his country. He is to (must) be ready to sacrifice even his own life for the country.

His second duty is to obey the law and help the government (to) maintain order. If everybody can do so, the country will be rich and strong(powerful).

我的志向是做一個(gè)好公民以便能給國(guó)家效力。然而，做一個(gè)好公民不是一件容易的事情。他有許多責(zé)任要盡。

一個(gè)好公民第一件責(zé)任是愛他的國(guó)家。他須準(zhǔn)備為國(guó)家犧牲自己的生命。

他第二件責(zé)任是服從法律并且?guī)椭�政府維持治安。如果人人都能這樣做的話，國(guó)家必定富強(qiáng)。

第十六天：THE NATIONAL FLAG 國(guó)旗

it is the duty of every citizen to honor the national flag. Why? Because the national flag is the symbol of a (the) country. To respect it means to respect the country. In other words, if a man loves his country, he must love the national flag.

In school, the national flag is usually raised at a certain time every day. Then the principal, teachers, staff and students are to (must) stand before it and sing the national anthem. It is indeed extremely meaningful to attend such a ceremony.

尊敬國(guó)旗是每個(gè)公民的責(zé)任（義務(wù)）。為什么？因?yàn)閲?guó)旗是國(guó)家的象征。尊敬它意思就是尊敬國(guó)家。換句話說，如果一個(gè)人愛國(guó)，他必須愛國(guó)旗。

在學(xué)校里，通常每天定時(shí)要升旗。那時(shí)，校長(zhǎng)，老師，教職員學(xué)生教師將恭敬地站在它前面并且唱國(guó)歌。參加此項(xiàng)儀式確實(shí)非常有意義。

第十七天：THE IMPORTANCE OF EDUCATION 教育的重要性

It is impossible for us to make our country rich and strong without developing education. Why? Because education gives people knowledge and teaches them how to become good citizens so as to be able to serve their country. No wonder they say that education decides the progress, prosperity and civilization of a country.

At present (Nowadays) most countries in (of) the world are enforcing compulsory education. It is necessary for all kinds of people, both rich and poor, to receive education.Taiwanis an exception as well not.

我們不可能使我們的國(guó)家富強(qiáng)而不發(fā)展教育。為什么？因?yàn)榻逃�給予人民知識(shí)并教他們?nèi)绾纬蔀楹霉�民以便能為�?guó)家效力。難怪，有人說教育決定一個(gè)國(guó)家的進(jìn)步，繁榮與文化。 現(xiàn)在世界大多數(shù)的國(guó)家都在實(shí)施強(qiáng)迫教育。所有各類人民不論貧富都必須接受教育。臺(tái)灣也不例外。

第十八天：INDUSTRY (DILIGENCE) 勤勉

It is a matter of course that industry will bring us success, wealth and good luck. I am sure that a hard-working person can always succeed in the work which he wants to do. This is unchangeable truth.

Idleness is the opposite of industry. It is the source of all evil. An idle man only enjoys playing and

手語(yǔ)短文篇三：英語(yǔ)短文笑話(帶翻譯)

1、How much English can you speak?

"Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English."

The judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?"

The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!"

中文翻譯

"法官先生，我的當(dāng)事人被指控偷竊，這是多么不公正啊。他一周前才來(lái)到紐約，幾乎不認(rèn)路。而且，他只會(huì)說幾個(gè)英語(yǔ)單詞。"

法官看了看被告，問道："你會(huì)說多少英文？"

被告抬起頭，說："把你的錢包給我！"

2

A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use on average only 15000 words a day, whereas women use 30000 words a day. She thought about this for a while and then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.

He said, "What?"

丈夫給妻子看了一項(xiàng)調(diào)查結(jié)果，為了向她證明女人比男人啰嗦。研究表明男人平均每天使用15000個(gè)字，而女人每天使用30000個(gè)。

妻子想了一會(huì)兒說，女人每天說的字?jǐn)?shù)是男人的兩倍，因?yàn)樗齻儽仨氈貜?fù)已經(jīng)說過的話。 他問："什么？"

3

Boy: Is this seat empty?

Girl: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

男孩：這個(gè)座位是空的么？

女孩：是的，如果你坐下，我的座位也將是空的。

4、

"Tom, what's the matter with your brother?" asked the mother in the kitchen. "He's crying."

"Oh, nothing, Mum," replied Tom. "I'm eating my cake. He is crying because I won't give him any."

"But has he finished his own cake?"

"Yes." said Tom. "And he also cried when I was helping him finish that."

"湯姆，你弟弟怎么了？" 媽媽在廚房里問。"他在哭。"

"沒事兒，媽媽，" 湯姆答道。"我在吃我的蛋糕。他哭是因?yàn)槲也唤o他吃。"

"他已經(jīng)吃完自己的了么？"

"是的。" "我?guī)退�吃完時(shí)，他也哭了。"

2009-6-7

A guy says to his friend, "Guess how many coins I have in my pocket."

The friends says, "If I guess right, will you give me one of them?"

The first guys says, "If you guess right, I'll give you both of them!"

路人甲對(duì)路人乙說，"猜猜我兜里有幾個(gè)子兒？"

路人乙說："我猜對(duì)了，你能給我一個(gè)不？"

路人甲說："你要猜對(duì)了，我兩個(gè)全部給你！"

2009-6-6研究生和本科生的區(qū)別

"I can always tell a graduate class from an undergraduate class," said an instructor at a university graduate engineering course. "When I say 'Good afternoon,' the undergraduates respond 'Good afternoon.' But the graduate students just write it down."

一個(gè)教師在研究生工程學(xué)課堂上說："我一眼就能看出來(lái)哪些是本科生，哪些是研究生。" "我說'下午好'的時(shí)候，本科生回答'下午好'，而研究生則把這句話記在本子上。"

2009-6-5

Dad: Tom, please tell me, which month has 28 days?

Tom: Every month.

爸爸：告訴我湯姆，哪個(gè)月有28天呢？

湯姆：每個(gè)月都有啊！

2009-6-4making faces

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child I was told if I made ugly faces, my face would freeze and stay like that". Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."

史密斯小姐發(fā)現(xiàn)她的一名學(xué)生在操場(chǎng)上向別人做鬼臉，便去輕責(zé)他。

這位主日學(xué)校的老師甜甜地微笑著，說："博比，我小的時(shí)候，有人告訴我如果我做鬼臉，我的臉就會(huì)僵硬，永遠(yuǎn)都那么丑。"

博比抬頭看了看老師，說："史密斯小姐，你可別說沒人警告過你啊。"

2009-6-3

A guy goes to visit his grandma and he brings his friend with him.

While he's talking to his grandma, his friend starts eating the peanuts on the coffee table, and finishes them off.

As they're leaving, his friend says to his grandma, "Thanks for the peanuts."

She says, "Yeah, since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off."

一名男子帶著朋友去探望他的祖母。

當(dāng)他和祖母聊天時(shí)，他的朋友開始吃咖啡桌上放的花生，并把花生都給吃光了。 他們離開時(shí)，他的朋友對(duì)祖母說:"謝謝您的花生。"

結(jié)果祖母說:"唉！自從我牙齒掉光后，我就只能吮掉花生豆外層的巧克力了。"

2009-6-2

A father was trying to teach his son the evils of alcohol.

He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey. The worm in the water lived, while the one in the whiskey curled up and died.

"All right, son," asked the father, "What does that show you?"

"Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have worms."

一位父親打算讓自己的兒子知道酒精有多么可怕。

他把分別把兩只蟲子放到一杯清水和一杯威士忌里做對(duì)比。清水里蟲子安然無(wú)恙，結(jié)果威士忌里的蟲子蜷縮了幾下就掛掉了。

"所以，兒子啊，"父親問道，"得出什么結(jié)論？"

"恩，這說明，你只要喝酒的話，肚里就不會(huì)長(zhǎng)蟲了！"

2009-6-1

Looking very unhappy, a poor man entered a doctor's consulting-room.

"Doctor," he said, "you must help me. I swallowed a penny about a month ago."

"Good heavens, man!" said the doctor. "Why have you waited so long? Why don't you come to me on the day you swallowed it?"

"To tell you the truth, Doctor," the poor man replied, "I didn't need the money so badly then."

中文翻譯：

一個(gè)看起來(lái)很難受的窮人走進(jìn)大夫的診室。

"大夫！"他說，"幫幫我！一個(gè)月前我吞了一分硬幣！"

"天哪，"大夫說，"早干嘛去了？你當(dāng)時(shí)怎么不來(lái)看？"

"實(shí)話告訴您吧，大夫，"窮人說，"我當(dāng)時(shí)還不缺錢！"

2009-5-31

Boy: Hi, didn't we go on dates before? Onec or twice?

Girl: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

男孩：嗨，我們之前是不是約會(huì)過，是一次還是兩次，我忘記了。

女孩：應(yīng)該只有一次吧，我從不犯兩次同樣的錯(cuò)誤。

2009-5-30

In an entrance examination of a conservatory of music, a teacher asked one of the boys, "What is the most important physiological quality of a musician?"

"To be deaf," replied the boy.

"Nonsense!" said the teacher angrily.

"Why, sir! Don't you know that the famous musician Beethoven was deaf?" the boy asked in reply disdainfully.

在一次音樂學(xué)院的入學(xué)考試中，老師問其中一個(gè)男孩："音樂家最重要的生理素質(zhì)是什么？" "耳聾，"男孩答道。

"胡說！"老師氣憤地說。

"怎么了，先生！難道您不知道大名鼎鼎的音樂家貝多芬是個(gè)聾子嗎？"男孩輕蔑地反問道。

2009-5-28

A man sat at a bar, had the saddest hangdog expression.

Bartender: "What's the matter? Are you having troubles with your wife?"

The man: "We had a fight, and she told me that she wasn't going to speak to me for a month." Bartender: "That should make you happy."

The man: "No, the month is up today!"

一個(gè)男人坐在酒吧里，傷心至極。

酒吧招待："你怎么了？跟老婆鬧矛盾了？"

男人："我們吵了一架，她說一個(gè)月都不跟我說話。"

酒吧招待："那你應(yīng)該高興才是��！"

男人："不，今天是這個(gè)月的最后一天。"

【Laughter】2009-5-27

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

女人找了老公之前都在擔(dān)憂未來(lái)。男人娶了老婆之前從來(lái)不為未來(lái)?yè)?dān)憂。

2009-5-26

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.

男人想要的東西，要是值1塊錢卻賣2塊，他也會(huì)買；而對(duì)于女人，即使是不想要的東西，要是值2塊錢卻只賣1塊，她也會(huì)買。

2009-5-25

The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students and vice versa. "Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the

2nd time will be fined $60. Being caught a 3rd time will incur a fine of $180. Are there any questions?" At this moment, a male student in the crowd inquires, "Umm...How much for a season pass?"

女生宿舍將全面禁止男生進(jìn)入，男生宿舍也同樣不得女生光臨。

"不論是誰(shuí)，一旦違規(guī)，初犯將被罰款20美元。再犯要被罰款60美元。第3次被抓需要交180美元的罰款。還有什么疑問么？"

這時(shí)人群中一個(gè)男同學(xué)問道，"那么一個(gè)季度通行證需要多少錢？"

2009-5-24

Boy: Can I buy you a drink?

Girl: Actually I'd rather have the money.

男孩：我可以給你買杯飲料嗎？

女孩：你不如直接把錢給我得了。

2009-5-22

Doctor: Your cough sounds much better today.

Patient: It should. I've been practicing all night.

醫(yī)生：聽上去你咳嗽今天好多了。

病人：應(yīng)該如此。我昨晚練習(xí)了一整夜。

2009-5-21

Pete: "The last time I was out hunting, I stepped off a high cliff, and would you believe it, while I was falling every fool deed I'd ever done came into my mind."

Bob: "Must have been a pretty high mountain you fell from."

皮特："我上次出去打獵，跌下了很高的懸崖，信不信由你，當(dāng)我跌落的時(shí)候，我腦海里浮現(xiàn)了我做過的所有蠢事。"

鮑勃："你一定是從萬(wàn)丈高山上跌落的吧。"

2009-5-19

Spending the night with their grandparents, 2 young boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers at bedtime. The younger boy began praying at the top of his lungs:"I PRAY FOR A BIKE... I PRAY FOR A NEW DVD..."

His older brother nudged him and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf." To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"

2個(gè)男孩與祖父母一起過夜，他們跪在床邊做睡前禱告。弟弟聲嘶力竭地祈禱: "我祈求一輛自行車，一張新DVD……"

哥哥用肘輕推他: "你為什么大喊著祈禱？上帝又不聾。"

弟弟答道:"上帝是不聾，但是奶奶聾。"

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